A Blond, Muscular Jesus on License Plates? God Help Us

Only in one of the most religiously partisan countries in the world would a government conceive a hair-brained idea such as offering license plates with a guy nailed to a wooden cross. The country is, of course, America. And the guy --Jesus. Perhaps you have heard of him.

Florida has.

Never mind the obvious issues of the separation of Church and State have already been parsed through enough --I am wondering who the guy on the proposed plate really is. Is that supposed to be Jesus?

If I am not mistaken, Jesus is from the Middle East. How many people have you met from that region with blond hair and a blond beard? Was Jesus in fact an illegal alien from Norway? Maybe that is why the Romans were ticked off --those damn Vikings causing trouble again.

Well, if this is indeed a true representation of He Who Surfs Without a Surfboard, then Christians have much to be thankful for. I myself would find great comfort in the fact that my Lord and Savior was so frickin' ripped. Look at those pecs! Is he like in the Justice League or what? The Superman of Salvation?

Frankly, I prefer the original Superman. He is willing to save you without the caveat that you drink his blood and consume his flesh on Easter Sunday --which is actually quite morbid if you think about it.

It is hard to tell from this angle whether his eyes are open or not, but I think blondie from the Sunshine State is giving his package the once over. I would imagine that ol' J.C.'s divining rod must have been fairly impressive. Moses was parting the seas and Jesus was, well... I will leave that one alone.

If you aren't comfortable with a suffering, well-toned deity admiring his package on your bumper, then Florida is offering this other option.

I like the positioning of, "I believe" --right next to the nut that holds your plate in place. Pure poetry that one.

Of greater concern are the potential lawsuits. If I rear end you, do I stand the chance of being charged with a religious hate crime? Or even worse --with crashifiction? Pandora's box sits waiting. (That was not another reference to his package).

I might be OK with this whole thing if the state makes selections of all deities available to Floridians. That is unlikely, but if they did, I'd go with Dionysus. Though that would be a sure bet for getting pulled over for the breathalyzer test every time I hit the street.


~God Bless You

South Korean Student Defects to the North

According to sources, a seventeen-year-old South Korean high school student has defected to North Korea. The sophomore student, Lee Sang-han, escaped in the early hours of the morning from his hotel, while on a one-day two-night class trip to China on April 4th.

South Korean Deunification Ministry official, Ahn Mei-eun, said that this is the first occurrence of a defection by a South Korean student to the North.

"We have combed through our database and after spending several hours closing pop-up windows, our research shows that no student from the South has ever gone to the other side."

A letter sent by Lee to the Korean newspaper, Dong-ah Elbo, offers insight as to why he chose to defect.

"When I was young, my parents and teachers used to scare me with stories of North Korea. They spoke of concentration camps where kids like me were forced to labor for 18 hours a day. When I realized that it was no different than my life in South Korea, I reasoned that I had nothing to lose by going to the North."

According to Lee's letter, the final straw was when he returned home from school at 1:30 a.m. to find his dog had gone missing. His mother told Lee that it had probably run away and would eventually return. It wasn't until two weeks later that Lee learned from a neighbor that his grandfather had eaten the dog with his friends.

"After the time the teacher took my cell phone for an entire school day, I would have to say that learning what my grandfather had done was the darkest day of my life."

The South's Reaction

Senior administration officials under President Lee Myung-bak have been hush about what course of action they will take to retrieve the high-schooler, but a source close to the president said talks of a possible deal are underway.

Speaking under the condition of anonymity by using only his surname, "Kim," one high-ranking official said that the South has an offer on the table.

"Currently we are in talks with the North Korean minister for a possible exchange. One option being considered is doing a direct trade for the return of Lee," said Kim. "Currently we are offering Korea Times' columnist, John Huer, as well as a boy's middle school instructor from Canada. We refuse to send one of our own citizens."

Kim went on to add that initially there was a snag in negotiations when North Korean officials learned that the Canadian instructor didn't have a college degree. Fortunately, after a four day search they were able to find a degreed Canadian instructor.

Yet, a larger question remains: Is Lee willing to come home? Already he is banking on his celebrity status in North Korea. Last week he appeared on the North Korean version of the American show, "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire," called, "Who Wants a Cup of Rice?" The episode featuring Lee was the most watched of North Korea's five channels during its time slot.

On the show, the benefits of Lee's arduous education in the South were quickly apparent when he managed to make it to the final round, only to lose when he incorrectly answered, "My Mother" to the question, "Who is the most important person in your life?" The correct answer was, "Kim Jong-il."

Lee still walked away with a parting gift of thirty lashes as opposed to the seventy-five he would have received by dropping out in the earlier rounds.

The South Korean government official, Kim, saw Lee's incorrect answer as a hopeful sign that he had not yet been completely indoctrinated by the North.

"We are confident that Lee will want to return," said Kim. "Upon his arrival we will re-indoctrinate him with a trip to the hair salon, followed by backstage passes to a Wonder Girls concert."

Kim added that the Wonder Girls have agreed to sing a song especially for Lee's return. Their management group is currently putting together a new cut called "Tell Lee," and have offered assurances that they will perform it live with a real band rather than a pre-recorded CD.

Obama says swine flu started on Bush's ranch

President Barack Obama today placed blame for the outbreak of the Swine Flu on the previous administration of George W. Bush.

In a quickly called press conference Obama claimed that it was no coincidence that scientists believe the Swine Flu made its way into America over the Texas border.

Speaking without the aid of a teleprompter the president said, "There has been a great deal of, uhmm, conjecture that the current outbreak of the deadly Orthomyxovirus has found its origins in Mexico. But, the present findings of my administration prove that, in uhmm, actuality, it started on the Bush ranch in Texas. And, in a first for Mr. Bush, it spread multilaterally from there."

Former president Bush, who has allowed Dick Cheney to speak for him since leaving the presidency, met with reporters so that he alone could make his case to the public.

"This is ludicus (sic). There is no evidence whatsoever that my people, I mean, pigs, are responsible for the Ortho-my...ortho, uh, you know, that pig thing going around."

As Bush stumbled, the nation's former top dick, Vice President Cheney, stepped in to speak on the president's behalf.

"What we are seeing here is another blatant attempt by the Obama administration to blame all the world's problems on the previous administration. When, in reality, I contend, that the Swine Flu can be traced directly to excessive pork in the Obama budget. Why, just yesterday, President Bush and I water boarded one of the pigs on the ranch and managed to get startling evidence to embolden our theory. Once translated we will make copies available to pig spokesman, Sean Hannity."

With all of the finger pointing going on, many Americans are wondering who is to really blame for the deadly outbreak of Swine Flu?


As this map from Wikipedia clearly shows, the outbreak in America and Canada is in red, thus confirming that Republicans are responsible. While in Mexico the blame falls squarely on the blacks (thus, the Democrats) and in the rest of the world (indicated in yellow) we can see an obvious Chinese connection to the virus' origins.

Meanwhile, representatives of the group, Guinea Pigs of the World (GPOW), are organizing a demonstration at the United Nations this Friday to protest what they see as an unfair representation of pigs in general.

Stay tuned for further blame.

Another reason K-pop deserves no respect

Sure, it's fun, its flashy and the tunes sometimes get stuck in your head for days on end, but basically, it is just fluff, lacking any artistic integrity. The process of putting it together the equivalent of manufacturing a can of Coke with a little added fizz.

OK, I have become my father, but check out the following clip of the ultimate perversion of pop music, Korea's nine-girl make-up mavens, "Girls' Generation."

During a recent lip-sync performance (billed as "live") the CD skips and they have to start their practiced routine all over again. The DJ even tries to cover it up (in Korean) saying that they were really singing and that the CD was just in the background for embellishment. If so then why can't the singer, "Jessica," be heard laughing immediately afterward with the mic still in her face? Am I being picky? Heck yeah. Am I ashamed that I actually know the singer's name? Even more so.

Most interesting is the reaction of the crowd. The Korean fans were good sports about it --in Europe or N. America there would have been a line of concert goers at the ticket office demanding their money back for being ripped off. I would be one of them.

I guess the logic with these kinds of groups is, "Well, they look great, but there is not enough talent with just four of them, so lets throw nine up there and make up the difference." I guess it could be worse. Korea's popular boy (though they look like girls) band, Super Junior, has thirteen members.

Just so you don't think I am being unfair to Super Junior, have a listen and a look for yourself. Whoever posted the video put up this amusing caveat: "Please don't leave comments that they are gay or asking if they are. First of all there is nothing wrong with being gay." True, but there is something wrong with sucking musically --and still making a shitload of money while the great musicians are never seen or heard by the masses because they aren't handsome or, in the case of Super Junior, pretty.

I posted this video previously on a related post. I dread the fact that the song will probably once again be stuck in my head until tomorrow.

The Week We View: All the news that's fit to miss

>American scientists announced this week that they have unraveled the entire genome of the cow. Much to the surprise of researchers, it was found that American bovines have a genetic predisposition to Mad Korean disease.

>The recession spares no one: It was reported that Paul McCartney has seen his fortune shrink $125 million in the last year thanks to falling property and share values. He must somehow get by on the remaining $905 million. Amy Winehouse's wealth has been reduced from $20 million to a paltry $5 million. But that has been attributed more to her rabid purchases of crack, heroin and eye-liner.

>Susan Boyle upset the producers of the show Britain's Got Talent this week for dying her hair brown and getting a makeover. Apparently they thought the homely look was better for ratings. And while Britain may have talent, Hollywood certainly has class. As this headline from Hollywood Today magazine plainly shows: "Susan Boyle Looks like a Man, Sings like an Angel, Yet Is a Real Woman."

>The Vatican announced this week that it would spend $660 million dollars to install solar panels in a nearby town that will supply all of the Vatican's power needs. The 100 megawatts generated by the panels will be enough to light about 40,000 homes --far outstripping the needs of Pope Benedict XVI and the 900 inhabitants of the 0.2 square-mile Vatican City. Why the excess? Because apparently all that stuff Jesus said about the evils of capitalism was nonsense --the Church will start selling power to the Italian government as soon as 2014.

>In the Rude or Stupid category: Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. According to United Nations Secretary General, Ban Ki Moon, Ahmadinejad "misused" the U.N. anti-racism conference to air his grievances with Israel. Ahmadinejad responded to the charges telling reporters that the aim of his address was to “Promote international love and tolerance”

>Oasis announced a five-year break from recording new music. The feud between Noel and Liam Gallagher apparently too much for either to work together. Noel, speaking of his brother, Liam, said, "He's like a man with a fork in a world of soup." Nice.

>Miss USA contestant, Carrie Prejean of California, caught a lot of flack this week for saying that gay marriage is wrong. In a later interview with Matt Lauer she went on to say that "It's not about being politically correct, it's about being biblically correct." Biblically correct? Such as God killing everyone in a flood, some guy walking on water, being resurrected from the dead and turning water into wine? OK, now I see.

>Strangest hour of the week: 75-year old Larry King quizzing teenager, Levi Johnston about his sex life with fellow teenager, Bristol Palin.

>This week's I can't believe it is an English newspaper entry comes from the Korea Times. "Park Chan Ho Hits Homer in 9 Years." The whole article makes you wonder where the tens of billions of dollars spent on English education in South Korea is going. (Nevermind checking it. I just noticed that they went through it and fixed the grammatical errors.)

>This is truly pathetic: A socket wrench fell from a service platform and hit the shuttle Atlantis' payload bay door radiator during a mission this week. CNET wrote: "In a lucky break for NASA's shuttle team, no one was injured, coolant lines in the radiator were not damaged, and a dent where the socket impacted will not need repairs." My question: What kind of quality are we spending billions of dollars on if a dropped socket wrench is that much cause for concern??

>Two Austrian tourists have said they would never to return to London after police ordered them to delete their holiday photographs to prevent terrorism. The officer told them it was "strictly forbidden" to take photographs of public transport after the father and son pair took several pictures of London's famed double-decker buses.

>A Detroit woman narrowly escaped death when the under wire on her bra deflected a bullet shot by an unknown assailant. This has inspired the group, Small Breasted Women of America, to launch a protest march in Washington next month, saying that they are not adequately protected from shootings and the government should fund breast implants.

>And finally, Barack Obama's charm is waning. The president spent the week appearing on several talk shows pushing his budget yet, according to a Gallup poll, people who feel positively about the Obama budget fell from 44% to 39%. Perhaps all those "uhmmms" and "uhhhs" in the president's speaking style gave them a chance to reconsider.

Condom ads unprotected from Chinese patriotism

A German ad campaign which features a sperm that resembles Mao Tse Tung has Chinese netizens and some government officials in a lather. The ad series also features Adolf Hitler and Osama Bin Laden in starring roles as the dreaded sperm.

The irony is striking: Sperm increase the population, whereas the Hitler-Mao-Bin Laden trio sought, and are seeking, to diminish it --at least certain members of it.

Mao Tse Tung

Adolf Hitler

Osama Bin Laden

Chinese Reaction

The popular blog chinaSmack, which translates Chinese language blogs and forums into English, posted some of the heated reactions from the Chinese:

搜狐陕西省西安市网友/(from Xian, Shanxi)

Mao Tze-Tung drove invaders out of China which makes him a hero. Chinese people will be against whoever scolds him!

搜狐山东省德州市网友/(from Dezhou, Shandong)

Where are hackers? Go and get rid of that website for revenge.

搜狐陕西省网友/(from Shanxi)

Kao (Which translates into something like 'fuck')! Why not put Bush with Hitler? Henchman Germans.

搜狐辽宁省锦州市网友/(from jinzhou, Liaoning)

Germans still don’t know how to respect others. I start doubt their previous confessions.

Not all the reactions were so negative:

搜狐浙江省杭州市网友/(from Hangzhou, Zhejiang)

Does it really matter about putting whom onto the condom advertisement? Didn’t French still made Sarkozy’s pig head into a WuduDoll (a cursing doll in China)? Even as a prime minister of a nation, he will still lose this case. Change to another view point, this represented the democracy of western countries, can you do that in China? We shouldn’t always think in the Chinese way (which means being used to durance, being used to speaking highly, being used to kingship, being used to idol adoration), and deny other’s acts. I once read an article written by a westerner, which said that as a dictator, Mao and Hitler were viewed similarly by many western people. Although we can’t treat westerner’s opinion as standard, but as a country who is becoming internationally day by day, we need to share thoughts instead of only aiming at convincing others, isn’t it? I don’t think it is an insult!

搜狐网友

Don’t always talk under the banner of Chinese nation; as a Chinese, I hate that. It can only represent the view of a small group of people. I think it is quite normal, if you want to be criticizing, don’t represent me, I think it’s normal!!!

Some were just downright funny:

搜狐江苏省常州市网友/(from Changzhou, Jiangsu)

Good, with this condom, we can ensure thousands of German women get impregnation, Germans all change into yellow people.

While the persona of Mao enjoys cult-like adulation in much of China, comparing him with Hitler and Bin Laden is not such a stretch. Estimates of the number of people killed during Chairman Mao's land reforms and counterrevolutionary campaigns range from 800,000 to 5 million. Mao himself claimed that 700,000 people were executed from 1949–53.

And yet, as I have written in previous posts, China is a major player on the world financial scene and is now treated with kid gloves --as is evidenced by the letter of apology written to the Chinese consulate in Frankfurt from advertising agency Grey Worldwide. They made the safe sex ads for Doc Morris Pharmacies of Germany.

Carry on.

Exposed leaders. Gandhi to Obama to Park Geun Hye

Another meaningless controversy is stirring over the May edition of Washingtonian Magazine running a cover shot of the then pre-presidential Obama shirtless. You have no doubt seen the photo already, though it has been slightly altered --with the shorts he is wearing and Obama himself, given another color.

The argument from the Right is that it is disrespectful to the Presidency. Fair enough, but I wonder if the reason they are making such a fuss about is not due more to the fact that their leaders have been on the short end of the ugly stick in recent years.

But why should anyone care, anyway? It is nothing new for political leaders to expose themselves in public.

Gandhi did it:


So did JFK:


Ronald Reagan:


The Senior George Bush with his cameo in Girls Gone Wild #41:


Bill and Hillary and their dance on the beach: (At the time, many on the Right claimed that the shot was staged, but I find it highly unlikely that Hillary would allow that shot of her backyard to be published)

Canadian Parliament member, Ruby Dhalla, making use of her potitical skills:


French First Lady, Carla Bruni Sarkozy, with a prominent step in her ascent to political power:


Vladimir Putin: With the added phallic symbol for good measure.


And just for fun, the now 57-year-old Park Geun Hye. Former leader and still current member of South Korea's conservative party in Parliament --and likely presidential candidate the next go round:


And finally, Belgian senatorial candidate, Tania Derveaux: In the end her unusual appeal on billboards across Belgium failed to attract voters. Her party garnered a mere 0.18% of the vote. But kudos to her creativity and erotic jab at politician's standard line about job creation.

Premiere of the new comic, "J.C. and the Boys: The Strange World of Young Jesus"

This is a new comic conceived by David Barney, Jr., an American teacher living in Busan, Korea. It explores the world of the young Jesus as he finds his way in life. David does all the art work and we will both chip in on content. It will be a regular feature here on Idle Wordship.

(click to view full size image)

Likely scenario of English only taxis in Korea

Sometime in the near future:

I stand on the corner on a lovely spring afternoon, gazing out at a sea of smiling, friendly Korean faces set against the backdrop of the enchanting cityscape that is downtown Seoul. A hint of honey wafts up from an open sewer vent as I am approached by a beckoning woman...

I wake up. I am late. No time for the subway, gonna have to cab it this morning.

On the corner, I try to flag down a taxi --three in a row pass me by. A half block away two of the taxis stop to pick up Koreans. To their credit, Korean taxi drivers are unbridled capitalist and rarely discriminate. According to a Korean news report, many actually seek out foreigners over Koreans so they can rip them off.

Something is wrong, why are they passing me by? Did I mistakenly put on a "Dokdo is Takeshima!" t-shirt in my rush to get dressed? And then, it dawns on me: it must be the first day of the new English taxi service --the non-English speaking taxi drivers likely assuming that I want an English speaking driver.

Twenty minutes later, finally, an English speaking taxi stops. I get in. We spend 2 minutes going through various pleasantries, including a 30-second vicious circle of, "Fine, thank you, and you?", while the meter --with its 20% surcharge for English only service-- siphons my pocket of precious Korean won.

Finally, he asks where I would like to go. I tell him. We take off. Conversation ensues:

Driver: So, what do you think of Korea?

Me: Very nice country. I love the honey-scented sewers. Though I am often perplexed by the inherent irrelevancy of the counter-intuitive notion that complacency is somehow a sign of erudition.

Driver: So, what do you think of Korea?

Me: Is this Korea? Oh, shit, take me to my embassy!

Driver: So, where are you from?

Me: Kazakhstan most recently, but I was conceived by a gypsy couple in lower Turkmenistan.

Driver: So, what do you think of Korea?

____

The imagination doth run wild here, but this scenario is not so unlikely. Non English-speaking taxis will now stop less often for foreigners; it is unfair that people should have to pay more money based solely on their language at birth; and as for myself, I don't really like talkative taxi drivers in the first place.

Ninety-five percent of the foreigners currently living here already know the basics of getting around in a taxi. This is a well-intentioned but useless and discriminatory idea.

Might I suggest another idea? Bikini-only taxis. Now there is a concept I can get behind.

When will Obama uncover the whole truth on torture?

While I applaud President Obama for releasing the torture memos in an effort to shed light on Bush administration policies to gather intelligence, I am still waiting for him to release the full story --what exactly was accomplished by the use of torture and is it in fact a method still worthy of discussion?

Don't bother to check the weather reports in hell, but I completely agree with Dick Cheney when he said recently:

"I know specifically of reports that I read, that I saw, that lay out what we learned through the interrogation process and what the consequences were for the country. I've now formally asked the CIA to take steps to declassify those memos so we can lay them out there and the American people have a chance to see what we obtained and what we learned and how good the intelligence was."

I am not wild about Cheney making use of his old CIA contacts but his point is valid. If America as a nation is going to make the call on whether or not torture is appropriate --which seems to be the half-hearted intention of the Obama administration-- then we should be privy to the entire body of evidence.

Furthermore, in defense of those now being skewered for the use of torture, one should first take a moment to reconsider the national psyche at the time torture was reintroduced as a method of gathering intelligence.

The Obama administration's director of national intelligence, Dennis Blair, summed it up well in a statement that accompanied the release of the torture memos last week.

"It is important to remember the context of these past events. All of us remember the horror of 9/11. For months afterwards we did not have a clear understanding of the enemy we were dealing with, and our every effort was focused on preventing further attacks that would kill more Americans. It was during these months that the CIA was struggling to obtain critical information from captured al Qa’ida leaders, and requested permission to use harsher interrogation methods."

Blair went on to say that, "Those methods, read on a bright, sunny, safe day in April 2009, appear graphic and disturbing."

Indeed. And perhaps they might seem equally "graphic and disturbing" on any of the many dark days just after 9/11. But now that we are sitting here on a sunny day in April 2009, why doesn't the Obama administration allow some of that sunshine to fall on the rest of the story?

I look forward to your comments.

The Dokdo and East Sea primer video

Not sure where you stand on Korean-Japanese territorial disputes? Worry not. The Voluntary Agency Network for Korea (VANK) has put together a promotional video in English to sort out the Dokdo (rightfully Korean) and the "East Sea"/"Sea of Japan" (who cares?) controversy.

While I side with the Koreans on Dokdo and its barren, rocky outcrops, this East Sea issue just comes off as whining --historical precedent or not. And since they want it returned to the name "East," doesn't that give preference to Korea? Why not just pick some neutral name (The Sea), a shared name (Kim Sea-Sushsea?) or just leave it be.

I do find it ultimately sad that South Korea, a country so obsessed with its image abroad, a nation that spends tens of billions of dollars a year on English education, couldn't round up a narrator who has a decent command of the language to promote their cause. Can't really blame that on Korea, I suppose, but rather on VANK WANK.

And the use of the word "owner" in the title of the video seems a bit of a stretch for an entire sea.

The handshake and the bow: It just won't die

More handshake nonsense --now coming from the upper echelon of the Republican party. With America's former top dick, Vice President Cheney, tossing in his three bits during an interview with Sean "insanity" Hannity.

Dicky boy said, “...you have to be very careful. The world outside there, both our friends and our foes, will be quick to take advantage of a situation if they think they're dealing with a weak president or one who is not going to stand up and aggressively defend America's interests.”

Oh, I don't know, dick. How would the world view it if Obama just stood across the room in false bravado like a boy who got turned down at the school dance? There is no need to be an ass when you argue from a position of strength. America's military prowess need not be emboldened by the cowboy tough talk of George W --which only solidified the base for leaders such as Chavez.

Top Dick went on to say, “I find disturbing is the extent to which he (Obama) has gone to Europe, for example, and seemed to apologize profusely in Europe, and then to Mexico, and apologize there, and so forth,” Cheney told Hannity.

I find it disturbing that you can't own up to the damage you did to America's image abroad while having the gall to insult the guy that is trying to patch it up. It is almost cliché, but Teddy Roosevelt nailed it: "Speak softly and carry a big stick."

Election 2012

Newt Gingrich had to get in his jabs too. “Frankly, this does look a lot like Jimmy Carter. Carter tried weakness, and the world got tougher and tougher, because the predators, the aggressors, the anti-Americans, the dictators – when they sense weakness, they all start pushing ahead.”

I usually like Newt, he is a very smart man, but I am not sure if he is talking international relations here or narrating a segment of Discovery Channel's shark week. But no, it was on Fox. And apparently the 2012 election has already begun and Newt is simply attacking the president to score some cheap points.

In the same interview Newt carried on about Obama's bow to the Saudi King. Think it's not simply partisan politics? Watch the romance of George and the Saudi King put together to the sounds of Stevie Wonder:

In the world of politics there is no real motto or creed more important than "Who can I screw today?" The democrats reamed Bush for his observance of Saudi custom, and now the Republicans are returning the favor in kind unkind.

In summary --next time you meet a politician, don't shake his/her hand and certainly don't bow; just tell him/her you were recently diagnosed with having an acute case of humanity and would prefer not to become infected.

The Week We View: All the news that's fit to miss

>Been much ado this week about Ashton Kucher beating CNN in a race for being the first with one million followers on Twitter. Does this mean that Kucher is the biggest twit?

>The Bush administration's torture memos were released this week. My favorite entry thus far: "Today while water boarding a suspected terrorist I dropped my new pen into the water tub and accidentally gouged suspect's eye. Amazingly, the pen still writes. I used it to write a letter to my mom."

>Conservatives were in a state of rage this week over the handshake between Barack Obama and Venezuelan president dictator, Hugo Chavez. Where was the fury during the combined 12 years that the two George Bush presidents were giving hand jobs to the Saudi royal family?

>President Obama vowed this week to trim wasteful spending from the Federal budget. No word yet if that includes reducing the massive electric bill for the teleprompters he uses at nearly every speaking engagement.

>For the first time in 25 years, the number of blacks in state prisons for drug offenses declined, while the number of white drug offenders rose sharply. This makes complete sense to me. After reading right wing political forums slam Obama for the slightest thing, I often say to myself, "These people must be on drugs."

>Best headline of the week comes from The New York Times: "Flirting with Cuba, Courting a Hemisphere." They might have added, "Screwing the Right Wing World."

>Clothing maker, American Apparel, is fighting a $10 million dollar lawsuit filed by 73-year-old filmmaker, Woody Allen, who contends they damaged his reputation by using his image without consent. American Apparel rightly argues that they couldn't have damaged Allen's reputation anymore than he already has himself.

>A story in Newsweek looks at several convicted felons in the Indian province of Uttar Pradesh who have been voted into office --some even elected while serving time. The electorate there for some reason is infatuated with their bad boys. Former Illinois governor, Rod Blagojevich is said to be gearing up for an Indian campaign.

>In case you forgot about Israel's eminent sway on American politics, you should note that America is boycotting the U.N. Conference on Racism because it singles out Israel. This is silly. Israelis prejudice against Palestinians? Come on. Really?

>EBay said this week that they will plunk down as much as $1.2 billion to purchase South Korea's largest online marketplace GMarket.com. I am still awaiting reactions from the foreign-investor-weary South Korean masses. Thus far candle sales remain stable.

>Over half a million Americans joined in protests last Wednesday against taxes and Washington spending – the largest single-day turnout of protesters in the US since 750,000 people marched in Los Angeles to protest foreign immigration in 2006. Now, I get it --that means Americans think paying taxes is not as bad as having foreigners move in next door.

>ABC News reports that a new pill has been developed that will limit muscle gains in women. Idle Wordship has learned from inside sources that overnight sensation, Susan Boyle, will be the spokeswoman for the new medication.

>And finally: A pest control company in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan is reporting rampant bed bug infestations. Local lawyers are recommending that until the problem is under control people should simply say, "Good Night" to avoid potential lawsuits.

~Have a good week.

Right Wing freaks out over Obama-Chavez handshake

The right-wing punditry has been going ballistic on everything Obama has done since minute one of his presidency. Sometimes their complaints are reasonable --the guy has broken a lot of campaign promises. But now, as they work themselves into a lather over pictures of the president smiling and shaking hands with Hugo Chavez and (gasp!) touching his shoulder, they are sorely missing the point.

A commenter on the popular right wing blog the Gateway Pundit, who calls himself "Right Wing Extremist," wrote, "It's interesting that the appeaser-and-chief is reaching out to all of our enemies. I believe that it would be pretty safe for me to assume that his goal is to destroy America."

The question is not whether or not this guy was dropped during infancy, but more a question of from how high.

Obama cozying up to Chavez was brilliant. Chavez demonizes the U.S. on a regular basis in the Venezuelan media --how demonic will America look to the Venezuelan people now with a smiling Obama embracing their leader? In an instant, Obama delegitimized much of Chavez's rhetoric.

I was surprised that the Venezuelan Office of the Presidency Dictatorship even cooed to reporters about how it was Obama who initiated the handshake. This was confirmed by White House officials, who said that the president walked across the room where all the leaders were gathering and introduced himself to Chavez. Chavez said a few words in English (no reports of exactly what) while Obama said nothing --just smiling for the photo-op before walking back across the room.

This was pitch-perfect politics.

**Added note: Some right wing forums have been linking to this post saying I am a "left-winger." Nice. Me, a left winger? I bat left-handed, that is about it. Nice try, boys.

Funky Friday: The Other Bush

Apparently the Brits are a lot less conservative than the Yanks. This commercial from Wilkinson Sword Razors called, "Mow the Lawn," is currently airing in the UK and is all about that other bush.

I would love to wax poetic, but I risk coming within a hair's width of shaving off even more of my already lacking conservative republican readership --who are, I might add, avowed Bush fans.

The subtle touches are great.
>Woman holding a hairy pussy cat in her lap at the beginning of the commercial, but a shaved pussy cat at the end.

>The great lyrics when the woman is in her garden: "Whenever I see a weed/I mow that rascal down/So all that's left for me to see are/Tulips on the mound." Classic!

>The ethnic stereotypes are fun, too. Political correctness be damned!

Bono's Got Balls
Just to show that this is a blog that believes in genital equality, here is a recent photo of Bono, who, apparently, still hasn't found what he is looking for.

Because I love it when Sean Hannity is wrong

A thing of beauty: FOX TV's Obama Stalker-Hater, Sean Hannity, being called out by conservative writer, Bernie Goldberg. Hannity is not an idiot, but he sure does his best to act like one.

I am sure he booked Goldberg as a guest thinking he would tow the conservative line and go along with Hannity's incessant Obama Bashing --this time on the ludicrous notion that the president is taking credit for the fine job done by the Navy Seals rescuing Capt. Richard Phillips from Somali pirates.

Goldberg (a rare voice of reason from the conservative punditry) turns it on Hannity and is right on the mark. It is nice to see Hannity put in his place. Though it is unlikely he will stay there.

China shows who the real boss is at USA Inc.

The nice thing about owning your own business is that you get to call the shots. Want to take the day off? Take the day off. Want to reupholster the office in pink, candy-striped vinyl? Go right ahead and have at it.

Along the same lines, I give you China --an ever increasing stake holder and now permanent board member at USA Inc.

Over the past few years the Chinese have plowed over $2 trillion into USA Inc. And since joining the management team they have been a bold and aggressive partner in shaping the company's policy both domestically and abroad.

One can only sympathize with the outranked managing director (President Obama) as he tries to keep USA Inc. employees (that would be us) satisfied, while at the same time keeping the Chinese members of the board of directors happy as well.

Case in point: Manager Obama flip-flopped yesterday and declined to cite China as a country that manipulates its currency to gain unfair trade advantages --which plainly it does.

Just two months ago, Manager Obama said the same thing himself through USA Inc.'s Chief Financial Officer, Larry Geithner:

"President Obama - backed by the conclusions of a broad range of economists - believes that China is manipulating its currency," Geithner wrote. Adding that Manager Obama would "aggressively use all the diplomatic avenues open to him to seek change in China's currency practices." He also said that, "countries like China cannot continue to get a free pass for undermining fair trade principles.”

Well, that was two months ago --back when Chinese activity in USA Inc. was static. Now that they have agreed to take an even larger stake in the company, well, you can see the dilemma faced by Manager Obama as he struggles to keep USA Inc. afloat.

He takes the concerns of the Chinese Board Member's very seriously --he recently sent out his to top sales exec, Hillary Clinton to convince the Chinese to buy more stock (Treasury Bonds) in USA Inc. Thankfully, they agreed, so Americans can continue to buy more products from China Inc.

The rationale (lie) Manager Obama gave for his changed view of Chinese currency manipulation, is that China has been allowing their currency value to rise along with the dollar. Wow, how generous the Chinese are --if the dollar goes up or down due to market factors, they have agreed to manipulate theirs along for the ride.

The union of American manufacturers (once again, that is us) contend that even with the pegged rise in the value of the Chinese yuan with the dollar, it is still undervalued by 20 to 40 percent against the greenback. But hey, what's wrong with a little manipulation between fellow USA Inc. execs?

And not only is China doing as it pleases with its currency, it is also starting to open up independent China, Inc. franchises in America's own backyard --South America. Never would have seen that happen ten years ago, but welcome to the new world.

In fairness to the Chinese, their position on the USA Inc. Board of Directors is still inferior to Japan --who has by far the largest stake in the company. That is why Japanese prime minister, Taro Aso, was the first foreign leader to visit the White House and the first foreign leader to receive a visit from Manager Obama.

But the difference between China and Japan is that only one of them is positioning themselves to be the world's next CEO.


On a side note... you have to give the Chinese credit. Whereas the Soviets did all they could to steer clear of the U.S. economically and be as confrontational as possible militarily, the Chinese are using the reverse tactic --they are literally moving right in. So entrenched will they be with the U.S. economically that war is near to impossible between the two.

Khrushchev once mocked American capitalism saying: "We will hang you ... and you will sell us the rope."The Chinese approach differs greatly. "We will have an economic tug of war with you ... and we will lend you the money so you can buy the rope from us."

South Korea's latest enemy to overcome: Itself

Boy, I'll tell you. It seems that the Koreans just can't catch a break.

You would think centuries of being saddled between China and Japan would have been enough of a price to pay for any people. From Kublai Khan taking over the peninsula and forcing the Koreans to lead two failed attacks on the Japanese mainland; to centuries of Japan's murderous occupations and retaliations against China by way of Korea; to a proxy war between the Americans, the Soviets and the Chinese that caused the death of untold millions of ordinary citizens.

By my account, it all seems an extraordinary load for any people to bear at the merciless hands of the cosmos.

And then, a long breath of freedom as an American protectorate, only to see a string of repressive dictators bully them around like foreign powers did in the past. Followed by --much to the country's great disappointment, but little surprise-- yet another democratically elected president recently found to be on the take.

History has been hard on Korea. And yet,in this modern era of autonomy, rather than being hurt by outside forces or ego maniacal dictators, ordinary South Koreans seem to have developed a knack for hurting themselves.

You have unthinking protesters blemishing the international reputation by taking to the streets over fabricated stories of genetic predispositions to Mad Cow, crazed farmers lighting themselves on fire to protest economic progress and crazed citizens burning down national treasures once burned down by the Japanese.

And, in today's Korea Times, we learn that Korea's noble pursuit of education has also become victim to another case of the Korean people being hurt by their own.

According to the Ministry of Science, Education and Technology, a whopping sixty-seven percent of the nation's cram schools, whose doors millions of kids trudge through everyday after school, are fleecing parents of millions of dollars in inflated fees. That is a staggering 358 schools of the 500 sampled by the government caught overcharging.

The average Cho-six-pack just can't catch a break.

And even worse, not only are they being bilked, but the children are being shortchanged on the education that their parents are overpaying for.

According to the latest figures from the education ministry, all these years and all that money spent and misspent, has left Korea with a TOEFL ranking nearly at the bottom worldwide and a speaking proficiency ranking of 136 out of 161 nations --bettered by countries such as Thailand, Iran and Indonesia. This comes as something of a shock considering that Korea is home to the world's 13th largest economy and spends nearly $20 billion a year in after school lessons.

And then there is another story today about the lecherous loan sharks. The sleazy, black market money men who loan money to their fellow Koreans at exorbitant rates. So serious is the problem that a Korean man recently took his own life after killing his 23-year-old daughter who was forced by loan sharks into prostitution to repay her debt.

Considering all of this along with the nearly 20 people killed everyday by Korea's less than attentive drivers --the third highest amongst OECD nations-- one wonders about the bloviating on Korea's legendary patriotism.

A Ray of Hope?

Yet, through it all, the Koreans venture on. A nation that only forty years ago ranked alongside the most destitute countries in the world, they are a people that are not known to give up easily --as anyone who has spent time here can attest, the Korean's favorite rallying cry when times are tough: "Fighting!"

Sadly, apparently that has its drawbacks too.

Koreans work more hours than any other nation in the world. And yet, all that hard work is proving to be a hindrance. Averaging 2,390 working hours per year, Korea exceeds second-ranked Poland by nearly 17 days, America by 26 and Germany by 43. And yet, in terms of actual productivity, the South Koreans are working too hard for their own good.

According to the OECD, South Korea's labor productivity per hour ranks fourth from the bottom just ahead of Turkey, Poland and Mexico. In other words, the Koreans would do well to take a little time off and enjoy all that they have worked so hard to make.

Truth be told, I believe that in the end things will no doubt work their way out. I do have great faith in this country. For all her faults, she is one of the most resilient in history. An interesting piece of trivia about the Korean resiliency to consider: So passionate are they in their belief in overcoming obstacles, that they are the number one country in the world for people being helicopter-lifted off of Mount Everest after failing to make the ascent. Some may look at that as a negative stat --I see it other wise.

I think the Koreans will be alright.

A simple solution to North Korea's nuclear ambitions

About an hour ago, the North Korean government said that it would restart production of weapons-grade plutonium, while at the same time saying it will pull out of the six-party talks for good.

A statement released by the state-run media said: "The DPRK resolutely rejects the unjust action taken by the [United Nations] wantonly infringing upon the sovereignty of the DPRK and seriously hurting the dignity of the Korean people." Adding that it would "never participate in the talks any longer nor will it be bound to any agreement of the six-party talks."

At this hour, leaders are still sleeping in Washington --literally and metaphorically-- but the South Korean government issued a weak response saying, "The government will deal with North Korea's threats in a calm manner."

And then a lone white flag was launched over the border into Pyongyang along with another shipment of food.

Deal with it in a calm manner? Well, of course. The "Sunshine Policy" of the previous Kim Dae-jung and Roh Mu-hyun administrations have left the world with little else of a choice. All that sunshine and not a damned thing has grown. And George W let it fester for eight years while he obsessed over weapons that never even existed in Iraq.

So here were we are --helpless to the whims of a mad man that we allowed to flourish. We fed his people and gave him just enough of a cushion that he avoided a revolt from the hungry masses.

The Price of Appeasement

"Lord Chamberlain? Lord Chamberlain? Are you there sir? We've been channeling you up until now. Can we speak with Mr. Churchill? Things have gone horribly wrong."

So what now Mr. Obama? Riding high on your recent victory over the rag tag pirates of Somalia, I can't imagine you will give North Korea much attention in the press for the next few days. And after that, then what?

OK, enough of my moaning and groaning. You want the simple solution? Here is exactly what I would do.

China is the key to all of this. Until their self-interests are threatened, they will sit back and enjoy watching Kim Jong-il riding roughshod over the U.S. and Japan. I think it is time for our new president to assert himself --and all it would take is a simple phone call.

I imagine it should go something like this.

Obama: Hello, President Hu. We really need your help reigning in Kim Jong-il, wadda ya say you pitch in on this?

Hu: Well, you know, it is China's policy not to interfere with sovereign nations. Considering that disastrous mess you have in Iraq, I am sure you can understand our position.

Obama: Right, right, that's cute. Well, I tell you what. You are absolutely correct, we shouldn't interfere with other's sovereignty. In fact, our first move on this new policy of non-interference is to allow Japan to have their own nuclear weapons. How does that sound?

Hu: Uhmmm. (Long period of silence)

Obama: Hello? President Hu? Are you there?

No, he won't be there. He will be on the other line within minutes, telling Kim Jong-il to shut the whole thing down and start using all that money to feed his people. The last thing China wants is a nuclear-armed Japan.

Done.

If only anti-gay activist's parents had been gay

This is a few days old and I wanted to get to it at the end of last week, but the Somali Pirate story was too compelling not to write about. Had there been a gay pirate involved in the kidnapping I might have been able to tie it in, but rarely does such journalist luck occur.

Perhaps you have already seen the controversial anti-gay marriage TV ad called, "A Gathering Storm," from a Christian group called the National Organization for Marriage. (See Below) The new tact by these Darwin left-behinds is that gay marriage is somehow going to "take their freedom away."

The premise is ludicrous, and besides, their source material for being anti-gay is the Old Testament --a collection of contradicting authors who portray a deity that is hardly deserving of praise, much less someone you should turn to for advice on how to treat others. I mean, that really is the basis of their whole argument, right? They think that God disapproves of same sex marriage and will hit us with another terrorist act or a natural disaster as payback.

But lets let the man speak for Himself: This is what God suggests we do about those dangerous gay people. Leviticus 20:12-14: "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

Yeah, great guy.

Here are some other fine edicts attributed to the big guy upstairs who Christian groups turn to for social mores:

Exodus 21:20-21

"If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property."

Leviticus 20:9-11

^"For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him. And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

The passages of the Biblical God's bloodlust go on, including such practical wisdom as it being OK to eat a grasshopper but not a rabbit (Leviticus 11:20-22), or that the world is flat (Matthew 4:8) and in a fixed position (Psalms 104:5).

And this is the Christian's go-to-guy for guidance on how gays should be treated?

Now I know that some will argue that Jesus came and changed all that, but are we supposed to just accept the offspring of the maniacal God of the Old Testament without questioning what sense there is --if any at all-- in the entire concept? Especially when the foundation of Jesus' teachings are based on his father bringing him forth into the world? Doesn't this imply that the supposedly omnipotent God made some mistakes and sent his son to clean up the mess?

Several years ago there was a great strip from the otherwise bland comic, "Family Circus." The daughter was explaining Genesis to her little brother. She said, "God created the world in six days and on the seventh day he was arrested."

If so, he probably would have been sent to the psych-ward and avoided hard jail time.

Added 4/14: This the comedy show, Wake up World and their response to the "Gathering Storm" TV Spot. They are getting a lot of hits on this so the load time may be slow.

The Week We View for Apr. 12th

>In the Rude or Stupid department: The South Korean city of Iksan, which is known as Korea’s first “woman-friendly city,” the government installed 25 parking spaces reserved for women only. They’re outlined in pink, with a large pink flower symbol, and are 20 centimeters wider than the standard parking space. According to the Iksan government, the spaces were made larger in order to accommodate “unskilled women drivers.”

>Many gay couples will soon head for Iowa and Vermont after the courts there upheld gay marriage. I don't expect many will be going to Iraq to tie the knot. In the past two months, the bodies of as many as 25 boys and men suspected of being gay have been found dead. Most were shot several times and some had the Arabic word for "pervert" scrawled into there skin. The Arabic word for "moronic" is مغفل.

>Somalian Pirates seized a total of five ships between April 5th and 6th, bringing the total to 17 ships and 250 sailors currently in pirate custody. April 7th was there day off and they spent the time with friends and family.

>In America the official unemployment rate hit 8.5 percent, but the labor underutilization index stands at more than 15 percent. I guess those are the former execs who retired after their taxpayer funded bonuses.

>Speaking of underutilization, FOX TV host, Glenn Beck, hosted a Taxpayer Revolt Tea Party recently. Here is an actual conversation that took place during the gathering.

Woman: [Shouts] “Burn the books!” [applause]

Man: “I don’t think you were serious about that, were you?”

Woman: “I am too.”

Man: “Burn all the books?!”

Woman: “The ones in college, those, those brainwashing books.”

Man: “[laughs] Brainwashing books?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Man: “Which ones are those?”

Woman: “Like, the evolution crap, and, yeah...”

Brain underutilzation rate: off the charts.

>North Korean nut case, Kim Jong-il, appeared in public for the first time since suffering a stroke last year. He attended a parliament session where he was re-elected as leader. And quite the leader he is. According to the South Korean government, “The cost North Korea put into launching the rocket could have alleviated the North’s food shortage for a year.”

>How out of touch is the Chinese leadership? China's president, Hu Jintao, called North Korean leader Kim Jong-il to congratulate him on being re-elected.

>According to a Wall Street Journal editorial written by Karl Rove, Barack Obama is a more "divisive" figure than George W. Bush. Well, yeah sure. While only 40% of Americans disapprove of Obama, 99% disapproved of Bush.

>Title of an ad looking for an English teacher in South Korea: "More than enough to cover your oppotunity cost."

>The First Family picked out a dog for the White House and will name him "Bo." He accidentally took a crap on the new budget yesterday. Redundant, redundant, redundant.

>A report in CNET.com said that Steve Jobs is still in control of Apple. Well, that is good. Unlike many American companies, at least Apple still has Jobs.

>University of Utah officials say a computer virus has infected more than 700 campus computers, including those at the school's three hospitals. Officials worry the lack of access to porn could cause a rise in polygamy.

>And finally: A 26-year-old Russian karate expert in Moscow has been charged with beating to death a 61-year-old woman and her son, whom he accused of infecting his wife with lice. No punchline here. That story stands on its own.

~Have a great week.