The Week We View

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-According to press accounts, Alex Rodriguez had Thanksgiving dinner with his family and then spent time with Madonna. Main course and then dessert, I suppose. If this romance keeps, look for the Yankee slugger to make a nickname change. Instead of being "A-Rod" he will be called, "M's-Rod."

-In a race against the inauguration clock, George Bush has instructed the Labor Department to enact safety laws that would make it much harder for the government to regulate the use of toxic chemicals and hazardous substances in the workplace. Barack Obama strongly opposes these new laws and critics charge it goes against Bush's pledge to make the transition "as smooth as possible." Perhaps what he meant by "smooth as possible," is that he will next instruct the labor department to have the safety tape removed from all stairs in the White House.

-This week will mark the 75th anniversary of the end of prohibition --that 13-year dark spot on America's historical past when alcohol was illegal. It also marks the 29th anniversary of Pink Floyd's The Wall . So have a drink and smoke a fatty.

-Look to the skies Monday night say astronomers, as the triangular formation of Venus, Jupiter and the Moon light up the sky. Be careful though; I suspect this is how all those hi-tech observatories are funded. While you are looking up, some amateur astronomer is picking your pocket.

Podcast:

-Barack Obama said yesterday that business leaders are "tone deaf" to the economic challenges facing ordinary Americans and called on bank executives to forgo their Christmas bonuses. The President Elect then tapped his heels together three times and tried to transport himself to lollipop land.

-In a soon to be aired Barbara Walters interview, President Elect Obama cited his "terrific crew of Secret Service guys" and his "deep religious faith" for reducing his worry about threats against him as president. Yeah right. If you get shot at who are you going to blame? The Secret Service or God? Come on B, get real. You are heralding a god who supported slavery?

-Lori Drew, the 49-year old woman that posed as a 16-year old boy on MySpace and "cyber-bullied" 13-year old suicide victim Megan Meier as vengeance for Meier's supposed bullying of Drew's 13-year old daughter will be sentenced this week. Tough call. How about add the ages together. 49+16+13+13=91 years in jail. The crime is not about what she said as much as it is about knowing when to stop.

-"Black Friday" sales were up 3% from last year. The smallest gain in three years. Good news is that next year the landfill tonnage of useless crap purchased on Black Friday will be down.

-New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress was released from a New York hospital yesterday after shooting himself in the leg on Friday. The NFL is not releasing details, but geez, how do you shoot yourself in the leg? The gene pool can't be that strong coming from parents who name a kid "Plaxico."

-A zoo in Bloomington, Illinois is selling Christmas ornaments made of reindeer dung. Apparently they are selling. Well, with the economy being what it is, it looks like it will really be a shitty Christmas after all.

-And finally, Microsoft warned this week that a new trojan virus can exploit a security hole and infiltrate your computer. Supposedly the new virus finds whatever blog you are reading and makes it seem amusing, when in reality it is not.

"Stark nudity on slick paper"

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I came across this 1950's anti-pornography film on Esquire Magazine's Blog of Lists. I am feeling a bit worried now. I might fall victim to communism at any moment or even worse --"lesbian implications." Well, as my father once said. "Since they invented Internet porn, no man's desk chair is clean."

Ironically, the movie is full of slightly censored nudity. I wonder how many people back then (and now) were getting off to the anti-porn video itself, with the tele-evangelical voice of newsman, George Putnam in the background.

Best line: "It has been well stated that very few blind people join the nudist colonies."

I think I love Ted Koppel

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When I was 15 and willing to say or do anything to upset my mother, I one time proclaimed at the dinner table: "I wish I was bisexual."

My mother flipped. And into the book went another of those precious memories I have from my childhood. A time when my favorite word in the English language was, "but."

Yet, who could've known, all these years later, that I would fall in love with Ted Koppel. Yeah, I know, it is kinda scary.

It happened a few days ago when I heard him on NPR. His extensive knowledge on Iran had my palms sweating. The way he talked about how the United States destroyed Iran's fledgling democracy in the 1950's and installed a brutal dictator. How we supplied their enemy Iraq with millions of dollars in weapons killing hundreds of thousands of men, women and children in a brutal, eight-year war. Talk bloody to me Teddy.

And when he spoke of how shortly after 9/11 the U.S. enlisted the help of Iran with Al Qaeda and Iran complied and chipped in. And how it looked like a possible stepping stone for the normalization of relations. Until, of course, our resident president showed America's gratitude by standing before the world and calling Iran a member of the "axis of evil."

Oh, Ted, please, stop it. You know the truth really turns me on.

Seriously though. The Iranians have every reason to be ticked off at us. Lets talk to them.

And sorry to use my love for you to make a point, Ted.

Underdog of the Year: The Somali Pirates

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While the Somali pirates might have narrow interests at heart, you can't deny their broad impact on the world for the plight of Somalia.

This little rag tag regatta is pulling off some impressive disruptions of global power. And they are not some upstart organization. The Johnny Depp wannabes have been stirring the local waters since the early 90's with increasing success.

Should we score one for the little guy, yet?

I don't want to give them too much credit. It took nearly 15 years to actually get good at it. But they have managed to ransom nearly $150 million in the past 11 months. They are like the Somalian Bill Gates when considering their total GDP is about $2.4 billion.

Madness with means loves the attention of a CNN news cycle. And all eyes are on them. But today it wasn't about the Somalis, but rather their would be hunters.

Turns out that "Somali pirate mother ship," that an Indian frigate engaged and blew up last week wasn't of the motherly maritime variety after all. It was a Thai-flagged fishing trawler. Along with the swashbuckling Somalis were several Thai and Cambodia fisherman --fourteen of whom are still missing.

Amazingly, a Cambodian man was rescued four days later after drifting around in a lifeboat. How in the age of even binocular technology could a Navy captain let a boat to drift away from a major explosion?

And the world trudges on.

At present NATO countries along with Russia, Japan, Korea and Malaysia are moving into the Gulf of Aden off the Somali coast. This is getting interesting. Lets see what the little guy does now.

For The Shield fans

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Any of you, like myself, who are fans of The Shield will get a kick outta this: I was watching a download of Star Trek TNG (coz' I'm cool like that) and there he was: That jerk, ex-police captain, turned L.A. mayoral candidate, David Aceveda, circa 1993.



For one episode he was "Salazar," the transporter homie.

Did a quick Google and found out that several of The Shield cast were on Star Trek. There is Julian of course, there on the left, but check out this classic shot of "Dutch-boy" during his Trek stint.

Strange pic of Julian. He looks like something odd is going on in front or possibly below him. And now I see why he shaves his head on the show.

Oh, by the way, I always wanted to say "circa."

Wolfman Jack to be Secretary of Commerce

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All the press reports say that New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson is set to be the commerce secretary. But the photos say otherwise.

This man is obviously Wolfman Jack.

The famed DJ passed away in 1995 --or so I thought. Now rather than spinning records he will be spinning commerce reports in to soundbites. Alongside tasty little tunes that will make us feel a bit better about the economy and start investing again. Call me a dreamer.

Truth be told, I am quite happy that we will have someone with an extensive music background filling the secretary spot at commerce. Potential play list for the new secretary.

>When he announces more corporate bailouts: Dire Straits. "Money for nothing."

>When he asks Americans to invest: Bread. "Lay your money down."

>When he meets Warren Buffet: The Beatles. "Baby, you're a rich man."

A Democratic official says Obama plans to announce Richardson's (Jack) selection after Thanksgiving. Richardson was energy secretary and U.N. ambassador under President Bill Clinton. He will be the most visible Hispanic named to Obama's Cabinet and the only DJ that has been resurrected from the dead.

Monday Flashback: The Message

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When Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five released The Message in 1982, I was a 16-year old boy beginning his first appraisals of the world outside the confines of my one traffic-light home town of Alachua, Florida. This cut blew my mind then. Still does now.

Actually, the first time I heard it was when visiting family in Maryland. My cousin heard me playing it and said, "Turn that nigger music off!" I turned it up louder.

You can groove along with the lyrics here.

The Message is #51 on Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs of All Time

The Week We View

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-Hillary Rodham Clinton is now the Secretary of State in the Barack Obama administration. In light of the bitter election rivalry between the two, all White House staff will take a 4 hour sensitivity training workshop. The primary focus will be insuring they pronounce "Madame Secretary" correctly. Wouldn't want any slip-ups with them saying "Mad Dame."

-A story in the New York Times today claims that the latest sports enhancement drug is Viagra. By dilating blood vessels it can increase oxygen capacity, thus creating an unfair advantage. If you notice your favorite baseball player wearing baggy pants on the field next season, he could very well be Viagra doping.

-Jimmy Carter was denied a visa to Zimbabwe this week as he tried to lead a humanitarian mission with former U.N. Secretary Kofi Annan. President Robert Mugabe really blew it here. Considering that his country country suffers the world's highest inflation rate, last estimated at 231,000,000%, Carter could have been invaluable for his experience with high infation back in the mid-70's.

Podcast:

-Johnny Depp's next blockbuster flick will be called, "Pirates of the Somalia." Come on, you had to see that coming.

-U.S. Musllim groups denounced Al Qaeda for calling Barack Obama a "house negro." When asked how they felt about Al Qaeda referring to George W. Bush as an "imperialist infidel pig," a spokesman for the group said, "No, that is fine."

-A new study by the Center for Asthma Research says that babies born in Atumn have a 30% higher risk of developing asthma. Look for a sharp decline in television rating next June and July, as couples will be seeking to insure their baby is born in Spring.

-Much talk this week about whether Barack Obama will be able to use his much-loved Blackberry while president. The worry is that it could easily be compromised. Some have suggested that they rename the device to "Barackberry." Does that mean if I still call it Blackberry I am a racist?

-The Screen Actors Guild is considering going on strike. Or it could just all be clever acting.

-Guns N' Roses first studio album in 17-years is having trouble reaching the Chinese market. The reason? The Album is entitled, "Chinese Democracy." The funny (or sad) part: Not only are distributors refusing to sell it, but Chinese GNR fans are turning their backs on the band for saying bad things about China. Man, this is a weird world we live in.

-Scientist at the University of Texas say they have identified massive ice glaciers on the surface of Mars. Republican leadership is said to be preparing an ad campaign to halt efforts to curb emmisions, saying that now we have proof that the the aliens, not man is causing the dissappearance of earth's glaciers.

-The unemployment rate in Silicon Valley hit 6.9% this week. Computer programmers have been spotted near public transportation hubs with their laptop computers asking passersby to make bank transfers to their account.

-An American teenager survived for nearly four months without a heart, thanks to a custom-built artificial blood-pumping device. I don't understand all the fuss. Millions of teenagers live for years without the use of a brain.

-And finally: You thought America was too politically correct. The Supreme Court of Canada ruled this week that obese people deserve two airline seats for the same price as one. What's next? Low class people like Sarah Palin will soon deserve first class seating?

And you thought a week could go by with no mention of Sarah Palin.

Adult Friend Finder blocked in South Korea

The most wired nation in the world is apparently not the most open with what it allows people to see coming through those wires. The South Korean government has blocked the personals dating site, AdultFriendfinder.com.

This begs the question: why?

In a country where the prostitution industry was estimated at $13 billion in 2007, making up roughly 1.6 percent of the Korea's gross domestic product, I would hesitate to call it a question of prudishness.

Then again, the efforts to save face are not without their contradictions.

Perhaps it is my age, perhaps it is the times, but I find it ludicrous to "protect" people from sex on the Internet or TV, when at the same time saying depictions of murder and pillage in those very same places is fine.

Nebraska revises kid give-away law

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You may have seen the story a little while back about a Nebraska law that allowed parents to simply drop their kids off at any local hospital and leave them there forever.

The problem with the law (besides the law itself) was that the state didn't specify an age limit. And, as people are wont to do, some took advantage.

The most extreme case being Mike Flood, a man whose wife had recently died. He pulled up in front of a local hospital and dropped off his entire brood of nine children ages 1 to 17.

The law, which was enacted earlier this year, was intended to protect newborns from being abandoned or killed by panicked young mothers. But since September 1st, 35 older children, many from 10 to 17 years in age, have been dropped off at hospitals.

Yesterday, Nebraska legislators, in their infinite wisdom, finally amended the law so that only children under 30-days old could be abandoned.

Congratulations to the fine people of Nebraska. So nice to see that you are electing the state's best and brightest to represent you.

Something very cool

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I came across this great site with hundreds of old photos, mostly around Asia, from the late 1800's through the early 1900's. The site is put together by some guy known as Okinawa Soba, with much of the images consisting of digital impressions of his own collection. Well worth a look.

Geisha got back.

Korean Hunters

Public bath house in Japan

Of this photo Soba writes: "When the first volume came out in 1856, Washington DC was scandalized at the discovery of this print within the Government report, even though it was a faithful portrayal of a very public and common custom throughout the Empire of Japan. Wives of the politicians protested, and "Christian" members of Congress called for the offending plate to be pulled from the books."

Some things never change, eh?

Boycotting Brad Pitt

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If you haven't read the NYT piece, "Angelina Jolie’s Carefully Orchestrated Image," then I suggest you don't. It will only destroy whatever respect you may have had for adopto-o-rama Jolie, and her talented partner, Brad Pitt.

As for Jolie, I could really give a flip, but Brad Pitt? I am boycotting him until further notice. I can't handle anymore let downs from my generation's lack of quality actors.

"Talented," you say? "Boycotting," you say?

Yes, after Twelve Monkeys I was convinced that Brad Pitt would become an acting legend. He was the guy I hoped to someday rub in the face of my kid's and their crappy acting heroes, whomever they may be.

I was such a fan that I forgave him for his publicity stunt relationship with Jamba-Juice Lips Jolie. I mean hell, they actually had kids, there must be something of substance there, "his head must still be in the game!" I rationalized to myself.

And now I read in the Times:

When Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt negotiated with People and other celebrity magazines this summer for photos of their newborn twins and an interview, the stars were seeking more than the estimated $14 million they received from the deal. They also wanted a hefty slice of journalistic input — a promise that the winning magazine’s coverage would bepositive, not merely in that instance but into the future.

Pimping the kids for a buck, Brad? How much money do you need? Go do a superhero flick or something. (It should be noted that I rarely peruse the entertainment section and wasn't aware that he got the $14 million in the first place or I would have written this blog much sooner).

At any rate. How can I watch Brad Pitt on the screen again without wondering if he is really giving his all or just looking at the zeros on the pay check?

Every generation needs its genius actors. Those from mine, it turns out, really suck. What do I have to choose from? Brendan Frazier? Tom Cruise? Not ever going to see these two guys in the all time top-ten.

1. Marlon Brando
2. Laurence Olivier
3. Robert DeNiro
4. James Stewart
5. Alec Guinness
6. Humphrey Bogart
7. Gregory Peck
8. Jack Nicholson
9. Henry Fonda
10. Spencer Tracy

Brad Pitt has a shot at it, but now he seems more interested in celebrity than being an artist.

So, it looks like I have to put all my money on Edward Norton and Christian Bale. I might throw Johnny Depp back on the list of hopefuls if he redeems himself and lives as an actual pirate in Somalia for a year.

Admittedly, Matt Damon has some game, and Val Kilmer is trying to get it together. Time will tell.

I could skew the numbers and put Denzel or Kevin Spacey in there, but they are closer to my father's generation and --to be fair-- he deserves bragging rights on them.

My advice to Ed and Christian: Don't make the mistake that Brad Pitt made. Think about your artistic integrity. Do something cool and rebellious --marry an old hooker or maybe beat up a televangelist.

Oh, and Ed, stay away from the Incredible Hulk franchise. Any movie that casts William Hurt as a general is best avoided.

Al-Qaeda calls Barack Obama "house negro"

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Al Qaeda's deputy leader accused Barack Obama of betraying his race and his father's Muslim heritage, while calling for more attacks on the U.S.

Apparently not everyone likes our popular, new prom king.

Osama bin Laden's second in command, Ayman al Zawahri, went on to call Obama a "house Negro," a term used by American Muslim leader Malcolm X to describe black slaves loyal to white masters.

"You represent the direct opposite of honorable black Americans like ... Malcolm X," Zawahri said in al Qaeda's English translation of his remarks.

While I greatly admire Malcolm X, Zawahri's intent amounted to the equivalent of saying that John McCain represents the direct opposite of honorable white Americans like Timothy McVeigh.

And as far as I can tell, especially after watching the 60 Minutes interview, Barack Obama is beholden to no one --except his wife, Michelle.

Zawahri's tough talk comes as no surprise. Al Qaeda endorsed John McCain for president, doing so out of the fear that a less adversarial Obama administration would give Al-Qaeda less to rail against when rallying their base.

And an old white guy makes for a helluva of a better recruiting poster than a dark-skinned man named Barack Hussein Obama.

U.S. Senator Russ Feingold summed this up nicely: "He (Obama) sends a message to the world that represents us the way we really are -- a country that is diverse and that wants to reach out to the rest of the world in a positive way." Feingold added that the new U.S. approach "goes completely against" Al-Qaida efforts to recruit people with their "hateful message."

As Asia studies harder, U.S. says "more playtime"

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While parents in Asian countries such as China, South Korea and Japan push their children to study more diligently at younger ages, American experts are calling for exactly the opposite: More play time.

So, who is right?

Anyone familiar with life in North East Asia can attest to the obsessive expectations placed on kids from kindergarten right up into high school. Westerners teaching abroad are often surprised at the excess number of families with young children that spend hours in academies after school before they even know how to wipe their own butt.

Not to mention the middle school and high school students walking home in a zombie-like trance at 12 A.M. after late night classes for science and math.

Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, a psychologist at Temple University claims that lack of play in childhood "could be the next global warming." She added: "Play equals learning. For too long we have divorced the two."

Could this explain why in countries --where there was never a marriage of the two-- that such social ills persist? Prime examples are Japan and South Korea, which have over double the suicide rate of that in the United States --with an average of 33 people killing themselves everyday.

And a recent online poll by the Korean newspaper, Dong-A Ilbo and Google Korea found that while South Korea is known for its conglomerates Samsung and LG, the Korean people themselves are mostly known as "hot-tempered."

My take is simple: The problem is in how the brain develops an ability to cope with difficult situations. In countries that emphasize excessive study and, more specifically, rote learning or what is referred to as "teaching to the test," a lack of critical and abstract brain processing skills develop. The end product? People who see life in simple black and white terms.

When conflict arises within, this can quickly lead to a walk on the dark side. In other words --violent reactions against one's self or against others.

Experts agree that the need for critical thinking and abstract reasoning are essential to the healthy development of the mind. "They (children) are inventing abstract thinking, before the world tells them what to think," said Vivian Paley, a former teacher at the University of Chicago Laboratory Schools. "It gets them thinking, 'I am intended to have my own ideas.'"

So what happens when a child is not given the chance to develop these tools? Not much good.

Obama's first address: What did he really say?

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Some things to consider before the next address

The first of President Elect Barack Obama's weekly addresses to the nation was full of subtle imagery, telling sounds and a precisely worded script that offers great insight into what we are to expect from our newly elected leader.

Some of you might think I am overstating the symbolism or the meaning of his words and that there is actually much less than meets the eye, but these are very clever people, so we are obliged to pay attention to the nuances.

Opening: The segment opens with the President Elect's exclusive website, http://www.change.gov/. Nothing subtle here, straight to the point: "We will change the government." So much for transition etiquette. And just in case you weren't aware, there is a handy, "DAYS UNTIL INAUGURATION" counter at the very top of every page on the site. Interesting use of a .gov domain, I'd say.

Cue Obama: As the President-Elect comes on we notice immediately that he is not positioned in the center of the screen but to the far right. For those of you out there on the political right, Obama's off center position is more than likely about the best you're going to get. Enjoy it.

And of course the American Flag is planted firmly on the left which is where it will remain for next four years.

The Script

OBAMA: "Today, the leaders of the G-20 countries -- a group that includes the world's largest economies -- are gathering in Washington to seek solutions to the ongoing turmoil in our financial markets."

The President-Elect's first line of the address is a nod to his base --the rest of the world. A world that adores him in much higher percentages than Americans do. And while none of them can vote, they certainly influence the minds of young voters who turned out en masse and worry over America's reputation abroad.

And the message to the international base is quite simple: The days of Bush unilateralism are over. We'll consult with you folks over tea and see if we can work things out. Fair enough.

From there he focuses on things here at home. And if you listen closely at about the one minute mark when he says, "millions of our fellow citizens lie awake each night wondering how they're going to pay their bills, stay in their homes, and save for retirement," you can plainly hear the sound of sirens in the background. It is probably coming from outside the building, but how does a media savvy group such as the Obama team let that slip past?

OBAMA: "Unemployment insurance claims rose to their highest levels since September 11, 2001. We've lost jobs for ten straight months -- nearly 1.2 million jobs this year, many of them in our struggling auto industry."

This is a clever way to work the monumental 9/11 date into the address. Why use that particular date as a demarcation for problems with unemployment? It is interesting that once the emotional marker is put in place Obama moves right into the auto-industry bailout. The message? We came together to help the victims of 9/11 we should come together to help the auto-industry and its thousands of workers. Never mind the fact that they are poorly run, produce inferior products and that they got themselves into this mess in the first place.

From here on it is cookie cutter Democratic social policy.

Obama speaks of "putting two million Americans to work rebuilding our crumbling roads, bridges, and schools," and pending "$150 billion to build an American green energy economy that will create five million new jobs." Wow, seven million jobs to replace the 1.2 million lost. Here's my wallet!

My favorite part is when Obama threatens the Democrat-controlled Congress, giving the impression that he isn't even in the same party. "If Congress does not pass an immediate plan that gives the economy the boost it needs, I will make it my first order of business as President."

Is this a subtle way to distance himself from what he anticipates will be an unpopular spend-happy Congress? The guy is no half-wit. Nothing wrong with planning ahead, right?

To wrap the whole thing up Obama summarizes the entirety of his three-minute address with the coup de grace. "Doing all this will require not just new policies, but a new spirit of service and sacrifice."

Nothing subtle there either. Translation: Look out for new taxes.

Time: Top 10 Unfortunate Political One-Liners

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Time Magazine put this list together to commemorate the 35th anniversary of Tricky Dick Nixon's famous misstatement. (See #1)

I hate Time's layout that forces you to click ahead to get to each quote, so I put them all together here:

1. Richard Nixon: "I am not a crook."

2. Bill Clinton: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

3. George H.W. Bush: "Read my lips: no new taxes."

4. John McCain: "The fundamentals of the economy are strong."

5. Jimmy Carter: "I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times."

6. Mark Foley: "It's vile. It's more sad than anything else, to see someone with such potential throw it all down the drain because of a sexual addiction." (For those who don't remember, Foley was speaking of Clinton, but he himself was busted several years later for sending sexually explicit text messages to male congressional pages).

7. Lyndon Johnson: "We still seek no wider war."

8. Bill Clinton: "That depends on what the meaning of 'is' is."

9. Herbert Hoover "The fundamental business of the country, that is, production and distribution of commodities, is on a sound and prosperous basis." (Four days later, stock market crashed).

10. Richard Nixon: "You know, I always wondered about that taping equipment but I'm damn glad we have it, aren't you?"

Rudy, the Sequel: Another small time player goes for it all --this time against Samsung

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Remember the movie, "Rudy?" The 1993 football flick about the pint-sized player with the big heart looking for glory with Notre Dame's "Fighting Irish?"

Well, meet the new Rudy: Spansion, Inc., a small, publicly traded semi-conductor firm in Sunnyvale, California jointly funded by AMD and Fujitsu.

In the sequel, little "Rudy" Spansion is taking on Korean semi-conductor giant, Samsung, with two separate copyright infringement lawsuits claiming the "Fighting Koreans" were able to pirate $30 billion since 2003 using little Rudy Spansion's patents.

But, is this a case of Spansion being Rudy, or simply being rude?

For a company that has yet to turn a profit, had a market cap of $80.53 million at close of market Monday, coupled with a stock price hovering around 50 cents, one has to question their motivations. Not to mention (though I will) that Spansion is funded by two of Samsung's biggest rivals.

Bernard Cambou, CEO of Spansion, insists they're for real. “This is not just a nuisance suit,” Mr. Cambou said. “This company is going to go all the way–we are not going to stop unless we find a solution.”

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

While Rudy tries to run down Samsung, bigger predators are also on the prowl to tackle the titan into tithing. (Ok, that was bad).

Imaging giant, Kodak, has filed a suit with the International Trade Commission against both Samsung and another Korean giant, LG, alleging infringement of digital-camera patents. The lawsuits ask for unspecified damages, and both cases seek injunctions prohibiting Samsung and LG from further imports and sales of the products.

Bad day for Samsung, but a bad month for LG, who was fined $400 million last week for its role in a flat panel price fixing scheme with Japan and Taiwan.

Things are getting down and dirty in this down economy.

Citigroup cuts 53,000, changes name to "Ruralgroup"

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Citigroup will cut another 53,000 jobs this quarter as the company aims to stem deepening losses from the financial crisis.

At this rate the company will be so small that new regulations with the incoming Obama administration will force them to change their name to "Ruralgroup," since they won't be large enough to legally associate themselves with a city.

Idle Wordship analysts say that the cost in stationery and letterhead changes alone will likely cause the company to cut another 40,000 jobs --forcing them to become simply "Group."

Calls to Group headquarters for comment were not returned.

University presidents paid millions

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The Chronicle of Higher Education released its annual survey of presidential pay today and I gotta tell you: I am in the wrong line of work.

The survey, which covered 152 public and private universities with total enrollments of at least 10,000 students, found that 89 college presidents took home more than $500,000 in annual compensation, more than double those who did five years earlier.

That is a lot of money to bust drunk frat boys.

More than a dozen presidents made over $1 million, with the University of Pennsylvania at the top of the list, dishing out $1,088,786 to its president, Amy Gutmann, --a 40-percent increase over the year before. And you wonder why she is smiling in the photo. Not bad considering she makes more than twice as much as the President of the United States.

And here is the clincher: The use of a university or state-owned house or car is not included in the total compensation.

"One thing colleges have to be worried about is this perception that you have a lot of presidents making big dollars when students and their parents are really worried about making tuition payments," said Chronicle editor Jeffrey Selingo.

Yeah, they seem really worried.

The Week We View

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-This is really pathetic. It looks like Hillary Clinton is likely to be Secretary of State in the Obama administration. Just when you think America is making progress with the first black president, the best we can do for a bright, intelligent woman is let her be a secretary.

-A study released this week said that overweight people have twice the chance of dying young. Lucky for me I am not young anymore.

-Speaking of weight, the government is weighing its options in a possible bail-out of the U.S. auto industry. They could save a lot of time and money by simply hiring a Japanese car designer.

-Astronomers have for the first time spotted a planet orbiting a star outside our solar system. NASA is readying an unmanned probe to explore the new object as a possible location for the George W. Bush Presidential Library.

-There is a lot of Buzz about the new Star Trek trailer in theaters. The movie is set for release in May 2009. William Shatner will not reprise his role as Captain Kirk, since it would be oxymoronic to send a stupid guy to seek out intelligent life.

-Just when black America finds a measure of pride, Kanye West has to go and ruin it.

-World leaders gathered this week for an eco-summit. After hours of laborious negotiations George W. Bush finally agreed he would use public transportation to go home from the event.

-U.S. actress Lindsay Lohan was pelted with a flour bomb by PETA members when she arrived at a Paris nightclub wearing fur. Quite a week for Lindsay who, when asked about the election of Barack Obama said, "It was really exciting. It's an amazing feeling. It's our first colored president." Why couldn't PETA use a real bomb? Wimps.

-John McCain had a great line on the Jay Leno show about his post-election life. "Well, I've been sleeping like a baby. I sleep two hours, wake up and cry. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry."

-While many were shocked by the news that a fan of Paula Abdul killed herself outside of the American Idol star's home, I was shocked by the news that Paula Abdul had a fan. Will wonders never cease?

-Sun Microsystems announced this week that it will cut 6000 jobs. Starbucks said they will hire most of them since they have experience working with Java.

-I will avoid obvious skeletons in the closet joke and let this item stand on its own --maybe. An elderly Chicago woman was found to have been living with two skeletons and the badly decomposed body of her siblings, one of whom may have died at least 20 years ago. DNA tests have confirmed that fourth body found was that of John McCain.

-California school children ducked under their desks as part of an earthquake drill this week. Next week they will hold the Proposition 8 drill. A gay couple will walk into each classroom and children will shout obscenities at them.

-Barack Obama had his first meeting with George Bush this week. Dick Cheney sat in to explain the job to Obama.

-And finally, an Australian holiday resort will hold a month long, nude "anything goes" party to counter lower tourism revenues this year. Tony Fox, owner of the White Cockatoo resort said, "Tough economic times call for stiff measures."

Palin Porn: $3 million and a free snow mobile

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Bill Fisher, AKA pornography director Cezar Capone, says he is willing to increase his offer to $3 million if Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin will appear in one of his films.

This after an initial offer of $2 million a few days ago was tacitly rejected by Sarah P. (I am using "tacitly" in its broadest sense of the word).

To sweeten the deal Fisher said he will not only throw in another $1 million but also a free snow mobile for her husband Todd and a lifetime supply of Alaskan king crab.

Fisher told the Vancouver Sun, "I'm not sure how fluid she is financially, but it's not unheard of for an ex-governor to change professions for a big pay day. Everybody's got a price, you know?"

I am waiting for Sarah to respond, but feel quite confident Todd has already made up his mind.

Elephants, Elephants, what say thee?

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A couple of things from the tail (tale) of the elephants:

-Sarah Palin peeved fellow Republicans with her spotlight grabbing "joint" press conference at the yearly meeting of the Republican Governors Association in Miami. CNN's Political Ticker writes: "They agreed to go as a show of GOP governors’ unity — but they ended up feeling like silent Palin supporters, since it was clearly a press conference called for her."

If we are to believe the rumor-mill, which I do, Sarah P. is eying a 2012 run at the Senate. But, she is still a governor, and ticking off your fellow Govs doesn't bid well when you call on them for support down the road.

Speaking on condition of anonymity one elephant governor said that the press conference felt awkward. “I’m sure you could see it on some of our faces.” Another said it felt "odd" and "weird" and that it “unfortunately sent a message that she was the de facto leader of the party."

-The run-off between Georgia's incumbent Republican Sen. Saxby Chambliss and Democrat Jim Martin -- neither of whom won more than 50% of the vote on Election Day is underway. If the Democrats can pull it off they will have what is referred to as a "super-majority."

I don't like the sound of that; we need a little check and a little balance so, I am going for the elephant, Saxby. If nothing else, he has the cooler name. (No offense Doug)

-In the far north, up Alaska way, where the elephants wear fur and spend lavishly on their wardrobe, the vote count between embattled Senator Ted Stevens and his Democratic opponent, Mark Begich, is at last report 132,196 votes to 131,382. This after Stevens was up by about 3,000 votes when counting began.

There are about 40,000 ballots left to count, so I could say it is a "heated battle," but in light of the location, that could be pushing it. Stevens should be in jail anyway.

U.S. Government says whales and dolphins are stupid

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The United States Supreme Court today ruled in favor of the Navy and against environmentalists in a case arguing that national security permits the use of high powered sonar blasts to detect hostile submarines. The ruling comes despite mounting evidence that the Navy's sonar blasts can kill whales and dolphins.

In other words the government is saying that whales and dolphins are unintelligent, unfeeling animals who deserve about as much respect as that cockroach I just nuked with Raid.

Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in the majority opinion: "The Navy’s need to conduct realistic training with active sonar to respond to the threat posed by enemy submarines plainly outweighs the interests advanced by the plaintiffs."

Those interests? That whales are sentient creatures and don't deserve to have their ears blown out.

Even the Navy has admitted that it is dangerous. Following the beaching of seventeen whales and a dolphin in the Bahamas in March 2000 following a sonar exercise, the Navy accepted blame in a Joint Interim Report which found the dead whales experienced acoustically-induced hemorrhages around the ears.

And yet, the Navy was so confident they would win before the Supreme Court that they neglected to file an environmental impact report, which is required by the National Environmental Policy Act. They also called on George Bush (a man of questionable intelligence himself) to exempt them from the law, even though he has no legal standing to do so.

So the next time you take the kid to the aquarium make sure you reprimand him: "No Billy, don't be ridiculous. That dolphin is just a stupid animal."

South Korea's economic death wish with America

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Having lived in South Korea I quickly came to realize that the customer is not always right --especially if you are a foreigner. Whether it be in a mom and pop shop, one of the major chains or even a small restaurant where minor alterations to a food order can elicit a harsh look of reprieve, one often wonders if the concept of a "return customer" has set in at all.

There was the time I took my laptop to an HP service center and had the agent threaten violence against me when I suggested that his manager was wrong about my warranty information. According to Korea's strict Confucian mores, your elders (even if only a week older) must be accorded respect regardless of their actions.

"You saying my manager is bad guy? Huh? You say that?" he yelled loudly as whispers of "Way-gook," the Korean word for "foreigner," rose up from his fellow Koreans waiting in line behind me.

Conversation over. I had to pay full price for a repair that should have been covered by the warranty. So much for the "HP way" --a philosophy that revolutionized customer service in America.

South Korea has for years expressed a desire to be a "business hub" for Asia, yet continuing anti-foreigner (and anti-customer) sentiment causes them to rank near the bottom in surveys measuring a country's friendliness, ease of doing business and legal protection for non-citizens. It is difficult to fathom, but in 2008, there are still bars in densely populated areas that have signs forbidding foreigners from entering.

And lets not forget the ridiculous "Mad Cow" protests that took place this past year when hundreds of thousands of Koreans took to the streets claiming that American cattle ranchers were trying to kill them with a disease that has claimed zero victims.

While many Koreans express embarrassment at these odd ways of thinking, it is an object of pride with most. And considering their ascendancy to the 13th largest economy in the world, one figures that with this single-mindedness they must be doing something right. Right?

Wrong.

With a crucial FTA agreement that would boost competitiveness in Korea's increasingly lethargic economy awaiting American Congressional approval, the Koreans find another way to shoot themselves in the foot and dig an even deeper hole for their reputation abroad.

It was announced yesterday that Korea's LG Corporation acknowledges their role in a conspiracy with Taiwan and Japan to fix prices of liquid crystal display (LCD) panels sold in America. In response, the U.S. government's anti-trust division has slapped LG with a whopping $400 million fine --more than double the fine received by Taiwan and Japan combined.

President Elect Barack Obama has made it clear that he is not happy with the current framework for the US-Korean FTA, namely the section on automobiles, where he feels it doesn't go far enough to help American automakers penetrate the walled off Korean market. In 2007 South Korea sold 772,482 vehicles in the United States, while Detroit sold a mere 6,235 in South Korea.

Now with news that Koreans are price fixing with their oldest ally, I can't imagine this will help their case with the American Congress and with the Obama administration.

For years the Americans have put up with the nit picking trade inequities with South Korea, such as a regulation that American computers sold in Korea can only have AMD processors and not Intel, thus making them less attractive to brand conscious Koreans.

With the Obama administration and its pro-American labor philosophy set to take over the helm of U.S. leadership, the Koreans might want to think about a plan to get themselves into good graces with the richest customer in the world.

Transcript: Bush/Obama White House Meeting

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Thanks to American technology outsourced to India, Idle Wordship has obtained the new Fly on the Wall Amateur Spy Kit. With this latest development in high tech stalking, we were able to record Monday's meeting between President George W. Bush and President Elect Barack Obama.

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GWB: Barack! How ya doin' man? Glad to have you here at the white house.

BO: Well, thank you very much Mr. President. It is an honor.

GWB: Please, please, have a seat. (Sound of shuffling and then a loud crash. Shouting in background, "Mr. President! Mr. President!)

BO: Are you OK sir?

GWB: Yes, yes, I'm fine. Lets, uh, you know, get started.

BO: Well, first Mr. President, if I may, I would like to apologize for ravaging you on the campaign trail. I said some pretty harsh things and I just want you to know that it was in the heat of battle, sir.

GWB: Oh, that, don't worry about it. Laura and me were actually pleased that someone was talking about me. You know, my name was only mentioned one time at our convention, so I guess I should, you know, er, offer my graciousness for you uh, verbally reckoning me.

BO: No problem sir. Now, I was curious, is there any insight you would like to pass along? You know, something that might help me get through the transition?

GWB: Well, I think first and foremost, you should remember that it is the Oval Office.

BO: Yes, sir. I realize that the office of the presidency must be respected and that...

GWB: No, no. The reason I mention it is because, you know, in one of Dick's first meetings here with the staff, he got a little, you know, angry at me, and told me to go wait in the corner. Well, hell, I wondered around a good hour looking for a corner until I realized, damn, this room is a oval!

BO: That must have been quite a revelation sir.

GWB: I'll say. But errr... you know what Barack, why don't we skip this chit chat, and I will give you a tour of the place.

BO: Oh, OK sir. Whatever you like. (Sound of shuffling)

GWB: Now this is my desk, this is where I sit.

BO: Mr. President, shouldn't you be sitting behind the desk?

GWB: You know, doggonit, I thought the same thing, too. But Dick said it was better if I sit over here, you know, so I can look out the window during meetings, and well, Dick he usually sits behind the desk.

BO: I see. And I guess this is the famous Red Phone. Is it still a direct line to the Kremlin.

GWB: Oh that. No, that'll get you straight to the Kitchen. You need to get calls to the Kremlin cleared with Dick first. (Long pause) Oh, by the way, have you thought about how your interior department, you know I mean, like your, what's the word, uh, decorating! Yes, you now, how ya gonna decorate the White House for your lifestyle?

BO: Well, we pretty much settled on that back in early October.

GWB: Right, right. Reparations are important.

BO: You mean 'preparations' don't you sir?

GWB: Yes, yes... what did I say? Nevermind.

BO: Would it be OK to get a tour of the Situation Room?

GWB: Situation Room? What's that? Ohhh, you mean the situation room. Where Laura and I sleep, right? Hehe, I don't know Barack, that is kinda personal, but... aww, what the heck! (Inaudible sound of someone whispering)

BO: Is something wrong, sir?

GWB: You know, it looks like I gotta get going. Doggonit, I plum forgot my nap. How about we pick this up again later?

BO: Well, ok sir, if that is better for you. When are you free?

GWB: Anytime in late January oughta be good.

Global warming forces Maldives to seek a new home

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And you thought Barack Obama has a tough road ahead as the new president?

The Maldives' newly-elected leader and former political prisoner, Mohamed "Anni" Nasheed told a newspaper on Monday that his government will soon begin saving to buy a new homeland in the event that global warming causes the country to disappear into the sea.

"We can do nothing to stop climate change on our own and so we have to buy land elsewhere. It's an insurance policy for the worst possible outcome. We do not want to leave the Maldives, but we also do not want to be climate refugees living in tents for decades."

"Climate refugees." Now there is a new words for the English lexicon.

But think about it: Nasheed could be like a modern day mythical Noah; except instead of two of every animal, he would gather 298,842 of one people --the Maldivians, who need a new homeland due to climate change issued forth from man acting like God. (That was deep) And, rather than releasing the dove during the journey to find land, he can send a guy out in a life raft until he returns with a Big Mac.

I never bought the whole Genesis thing, except when Peter Gabriel was with them (har har), but the Maldivians could go for the derivative of the word "genesis," and dump all their money into genetic research in hopes of finding a way to grow gills. Atlantis reborn.

I digress.

Maldive diplomats have already had discussions with a number of countries and found them to be "receptive." India and Sri Lanka are obvious choices because they have similar cultures and climates, while Australia is also an option.

If you have a spare room, give Nasheed a call.

Obama to the rescue

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The Week We View

-California voters passed Proposition 8 banning gay marriage this past week, with exit polls showing that black voters favored the measure by a ratio of more than 2 to 1. So, let me see if I have this right: Many of California's black population lined L.A. freeways when O.J. was acquitted of murder. Therefore, it is OK for O.J. to kill Ron Goldman, but marrying him would be wrong? (I was born cynical, I didn't choose this lifestyle).

-Barack Obama was elected president this week and excited Democrats cheered the arrival of the "Dawn of the New Day." While I share in their enthusiasm let us not forget that he is no longer candidate Obama, but now President Obama. Don't be surprised if some of the message of "Hope" is now the message of "Nope."

-According to the Department of Labor, the national unemployment rate hit a 6.5% --a 14-year high. On a positive note the unemployment rate for Republican leadership in the White House will be at 100% come January.

-A new study of the brain activity in bullies shows that their brains are wired to enjoy the suffering of others. Professors at the University of Chicago who conducted the research said that more study is needed. This I suppose is due to the fact that when studying the brains of bullies there is so little material to work with.

-The Wall Street Journal's Jeffery Scott Shapiro wrote in the Wall Street Journal this week that "The treatment President Bush has received from this country is nothing less than a disgrace." I am guessing this slipped past the editors at the Journal since it should have read. "The treatment President Bush has inflicted on this country is nothing less than a disgrace."

-An 8-year old Arizona boy was accused of shooting his father to death yesterday. Under the new Obama administration, the father will be charged posthumously with child neglect.

-A new testosterone patch is being tested that is touted to help increase the sex drive in post-menopausal women. While doctors insist this is purely a hormonal problem, might I suggest they take a closer look at some of the old farts these ladies are tethered to.

-Word out of Hollywood is that Steven Spielberg and Will Smith will remake the 2003 Korean film, "Old Boy." The punch line will have to wait until after they make the film, because there is no way they can duplicate the masterpiece put together by Korean director Park Chan-wook. Truly one of the best films ever.

-The Stupidest Headline of the week goes to the online medical magazine, WebMD.com: "Elevated Death Risk After Heart Attack." Uhm, yeah.

-Italy's Premier Silvio Berlusconi caught some slack this week when he described President-elect Barack Obama as "young, handsome and evenly tanned." Among Bersculoni's other winning statements over the years: He once compared a German lawmaker to a Nazi camp guard; He asserted that the Sept. 11 terror attacks showed that Western civilization was superior to Islam and claimed more recently that the new Spanish government had too many women.

-Speaking of women, much to my disappointment after having booked flights to what were referred to as "swing states" during the election, I find that the word "swing" has no sexual reference whatsoever and that half of the women I was trying to hook up with online were actually men whose wives have yet to receive their testosterone patch. Damn!

-And finally Edward Norton's production company has bought the rights to produce a Barack Obama documentary. I see something along the lines of a "Fight Club" theme, with the Obama talking to his alter ego, but in the end finding out that yes, he really was Bill Ayers after all.

Sarah, please shut up. No one likes a sore loser

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Sarah Palin called her critics "cowards" and "jerks" Friday for mocking her anonymously, and insisted that it wasn't her idea to spend $150,000 on clothes for the presidential campaign. She went on to add that all she ever asked for was "a Diet Dr. Pepper once in a while."

Well, there's a redeeming quality: She's a pepper. But, a good leader? No.

Even if the six-figure shopping spree wasn't her idea, she should have known better than to go along with it when her projected persona is that of the "aw shucks," shotgun-shooting, Sarah six-pack hockey mom.

Palin whined to her enemy (the media): "It's mean-spirited. It's immature. It's unprofessional and those guys are jerks if they came away with it, taking things out of context, and then tried to spread something on national news."

This from a woman hell-bent on dividing the country along urban and rural lines. A woman who thinks anyone from the eastern U.S. is ungodly. Now that's mature. Care for a some Alaskan Salmon with that whine?

I think it is time to rephrase her convention speech joke:

Q:What is the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom?
A: You can muzzle a pit bull.

Will a Democratic Congress ruin Obama?

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While President-Elect Barack Obama works on the transition, Congressional Democrats are working on the transformation.

Dr. Frankenstein himself reanimated; legislation that would never see the light of day under a Republican presidency, ready to be rolled out, passed and --they hope-- signed in what is perceived to be a more hospitable Oval Office

But, Obama is not a candidate any more, he is the president. And he would do well to avoid the same monster that doomed his two Democratic predecessors, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. Both who were unseated from power in their second term. Carter by Ronald Reagan and Clinton by Newt Gingrich.

So, don't look for Obama to be Santa Claus for a Democratic Congressional Christmas. If he gives the Democrats what they want, then look for a Republican to retake the White house in 2012.

Some lurking incumbent killers

-Appropriations Chairman, David Obey and Rep. Barney Frank recently said that the military budget should be slashed by 25%. Cutting jobs in a down economy? Obama won't do it.

-Senate Democrats have threatened banks that don't lend more money under the Troubled Asset Relief Program. Just what the economy needs: more bad loans to credit risks. "Nay!" will say Obama.

-There are talks about nationalizing parts of U.S. industry such as auto makers or to bail out states like New York that are in debt. What kind of fiscal responsibility does this encourage when business and governments know that if they fail Uncle Sam will come to the rescue? A President Obama will balk, this time as an appeasement to his Republican constituency.

-Democrats such as John Conyers are siding with Europeans who want to indict Bush for war crimes. If you think Obama as a sitting president (who would then be subject to the same rules) will go along with that, then I have a bridge to nowhere to sell you.

-What about the teachers union? Look for big fights over the "No Child Left Behind Act," which the teachers oppose because it holds them accountable. If Obama wades into that mess, he can kiss a second term goodbye as conservatives label him the "anti-education" president in 2012.

And as the moderate-leaning Obama turns his back on these and other Democratic proposals like gun control, drug legalization or sex education for fetuses, those in congress who once cheered will soon jeer.

Ask the moderate Jimmy Carter, who once referred to a then Democratic controlled Congress as "ravenous wolves." Or ask the moderate Bill Clinton who was unable to reign in Congressional spending and higher taxes which gave the Republicans the House and Senate.

Will we see it all over again? As the liberals fight, the Republicans snipe, and the Democrats are divided and conquered.

Ok, ok, he won. Now calm down.

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While Obama is surely better than the alternative, and a tremendous leap forward from the act of presidency committed on the world for the past eight years, don't be expecting miracles from the man.

As I sit here and conjecture on how this whole "Hope" thing will unfold, I am reminded of a bit of wisdom I picked up back at San Francisco State from my Black Politics professor, Robert C. Smith --who among several other books also compiled the Encyclopedia of African American Politics.

I used to enjoy sitting outside his office shooting the bull and bumming his disgusting menthol cigarettes. And to give you an idea of his persona: He once told me that the publishers of his Encyclopedia were giving him a hard time because he refused to include Rosa Parks.

His reason? "All she did was sit on a damned bus!"

At any rate, Professor Smith once said during a lecture that it doesn't matter who the president is or what color they are, they "must still govern from within the box" and that Blacks shouldn't expect monumental change just because "one of us is in the White House."

I think that applies to all change issued forth from the Oval Office. Quite simply, the American system was not designed for a rapid progress. So, I suggest you don't set your sights too high on the message of hope.

There is no doubt that our drawn out election process was designed for drastic rhetoric, and Obama nailed that every step of the way. But regardless of race or rhetoric, I look for the Obama honeymoon to end fairly quickly, as he gets to the task of governance in what looks to be a difficult road ahead. In other words, I don't expect too much.

As I liked to say back when I was cute and girls were far more interested in me: "I am not a hopeless romantic honey, I am a hopeful romantic."

Not bad advice as we awake to the much heralded, "Dawn of a new day."

**Update: Professor Smith read my post and wrote in an email, "I think Obama is a good and intelligent man who might get a little bit done."