Because Hollywood speaks for me

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Ok, not really. But I have always thought Matt Damon was a bright guy --he did co-write Good Will Hunting. And how many actors use the expression "Actuary Tables" when speaking of John McCain? Damon is no putz.

This short AP clip is two weeks old, but as we head into the VP debate this Friday --one which I am certain will be a disaster for Sarah Palin and possibly the swan song for John McCain-- I decided to be lazy, avoid having to write a full post and let someone else speak my exact opinion.

And people say I look like Matt Damon all the time. Take it away Matty.


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The Week We View

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-The first debate is over. I scored Obama the winner as did a CNN poll showing 51 percent of viewers thought Obama did a better job, while 38 percent chose John McCain. I suppose the other 11 percent are still trying to figure out how to work the remote.

-Hudsonville High School history teacher and debate coach Colin Sullivan gave the debate edge to McCain, telling a Michigan newspaper, "His responses were decisive and delivered with conviction but were also measured and tempered.” What he meant to say was, “His responses were divisive and delivered with dereliction but were also ill-pleasured and with temper.”

-China had their first space walk on Saturday –38 years after launching their first space craft. It was later revealed that the primary purpose of the mission was to dispose of vast quantities of melamine-tainted milk products.

-October is “Breast Cancer Awareness Month.” If you are looking for a new pick-up line when trolling the bars this one might be a winner. Please email Idle Wordship stories of your successes and failures

-Sarah Palin had a disastrous interview with Katie Couric this week. Even conservative columnist Kathleen Parker wrote that Ms. Palin is “clearly out of her league.” How bad was the interview? Following the debates both parties trotted out their best and brightest to do spin on the candidates first head to head appearance. Sarah Palin was noticeably absent as CNN’s Wolf Blitzer joked that she may never do an interview again. Nice pick "John."

-Under a newly implemented law, Nebraska is the only state in the nation to allow parents to leave children at hospitals and request they be taken care of. This is not like babysitting, this is forever. The most extreme case was that of 34 year old widower Gary Staton who left his nine children ages 1 to 17 at the hospital. When asked by reporters why he did it he replied, “Have you seen the 2009 Mercedes? It’s a real beaut!”

- Paul Newman died at 83 today. The world feels The Sting of losing this monumental actor.

-Today, more than 30 ministers from across the country plan to purposefully violate federal law by endorsing political candidates during their church sermons. Under a federal law religious organizations cannot engage in political speech while they also accept deductible contributions. Though most are expected to endorse McCain, Jesus would likely vote for Obama in support of another man of color.

-Following the lead of the archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams and his recent article calling American-style capitalism “idolatry,” American clergy have joined the choral call for a “new way” of conducting business. These people have some nerve considering they sell Bronze Age myths to consumers and don’t even pay taxes on what they earn. Zip it, Rowan.

-Japanese video game maker Nintendo plans to launch a new model of its DS handheld device that can take pictures and play music. This is quite a risk some analysts say, because most people who waste their days playing computer games rarely have friends to take photos of.

-The government is having trouble getting the financial bailout plan in order. I really wish they would have done something sooner. I lost what little is left of my narrow white ass on Friday when Washington Mutual was seized. I am accepting donations should you feel charitable. I am calling the fund, “I am an idiot, give me your money.” Catchy, huh?

-And finally, Philip Seaton, a 61 year old Kentucky man claims his penis was removed without his consent during what was supposed to be a circumcision. The lawyer representing the hospital claims the doctor found cancer during the procedure and had no choice but to remove Seaton’s penis. An angry Seaton told reporters, “What the hell am I supposed to do with all this Viagra?”
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The Reverend Tony Alamo

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"Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man." -Numbers 31:17-18

__________________________________________________________

There are many things to remember about the Alamo named Tony ---a long list of licentiousness that might someday be rattled off to him outside the mythical Gates of St. Peter.

Alamo, a converted Jew born, Bernie LaZar Hoffman, started his first ministry with his second wife in Hollywood in 1969. This following his arrest on weapons charges. Much like Joseph Smith, founder of Mormonism, who began his ministry soon after being released from jail.

Alamo. a gifted speaker who Bill Clinton once referred to as, "Roy Orbison on speed, "appealed to his feckless flock with talk of the coming Armageddon. Unfortunately his prescient gifts failed him as he missed all the signs telling of the second-coming of another felony. This time tax-evasion for unreported income on sales of "Tony Alamo" brand sequined jackets. Seriously.

It was then he refocused the theology of his ministry on the satanic nature of the government. The flock of Waco-like whackos grew.

When his wife died of cancer in 1982, Alamo told followers that she would be resurrected. They kept her body on display for six months, but... go figure, nothing happened. (It would be 16 years before her body was returned to her family).

In 1984 Alamo remarried again. Then got busted for tax evasion again in 1985. Divorced again. The same year remarried again. Call it a "holy re-union" if you like. He then made national headlines when he said, "Did you know that the Pope and Ronald Reagan are a couple of Anti-Christ Devils and that they are selling us all down the drain?"

The flock fattened, as did the coffers. Tax evasion again --followed by a failure to file returns during the following three years.

In 1991, on a tip, Alamo and his followers, along with the body of his dead wife, abandoned their church compound, narrowly escaping a raid by federal officials. Authorities finally caught up to Alamo and he was arrested on tax-related charges (again) and convicted in 1994. After completing his prison sentence he was released in December of 1998.

Alamo stayed under the radar in the years to follow. managing the inner workings of the ministry while followers spread his writings about the coming apocalypse.

Well, Jesus never made his curtain call, but Uncle Sam finally did.

A week ago, on Alamo's 74th birthday, federal and state agents raided the Fouke, Arkansas headquarters of the ministry as part of a child pornography investigation. The investigation alleged physical abuse, sexual abuse, polygamy and underage marriage.

According to the city mayor's office several complaints were received from former ministry members of child abuse, sexual abuse and polygamy since the ministry established itself in the area. Officials removed six girls ages 10 to 17 from the compound.

Alamo denied the child abuse allegations, but didn't deny the others.

In a telephone interview with The Associated Press, Alamo said girls are fit for marriage once they are sexually mature, but denied any involvement with pornography.

"We don't go into pornography; nobody in the church is into that," Alamo said. "Where do these allegations stem from? The anti-Christ government. The Catholics don't like me because I have cut their congregation in half. They hate true Christianity."

True Christianity? Would that be quotes like the one above directly from the Bible? The supposed words of the Christian god in which a majority of Americans tell pollsters they believe?

Yet, will Christians be marching on the jailhouse en masse to save the man living the actual word of god? I doubt it. Unless they toss in a free sequined jacket.

You go, Gore! Big Al gets pissed off

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A fired-up Al Gore encouraged American youth to carry out acts of civil disobedience if new coal plants don't implement measures to decrease the emission of hazardous carbons.

Sharing the stage with U2's Bono, Gore told a gathering at the Clinton Global Initiative, "If you're a young person looking at the future of this planet and looking at what is being done right now, and not done, I believe we have reached the stage where it is time for civil disobedience to prevent the construction of new coal plants that do not have carbon capture and sequestration." The crowd roared with approval.

He and Bono then lit candles and joined in a seance attempting to channel the soul of Woody Guthrie.

But seriously, Big Al (see picture for clarification) is right --this is a problem that needs to be addressed. If not by reason then by riot. Perhaps it is time for some picket-lines, campfires and cheesy folk songs to stir things up.

Not for me of course, but I will surely lend my support by watching the demonstrations on TV with Big Al while we toss back a couple of Odwalla's and vodka.

Conservative bloggers and commentators of course jumped all over Al and his call to arms --calling him a nutcase and saying that "Gore's continuing intellectual decline is actually rather entertaining."

Steven Miller, commenting on a Wall Street Journal article offered these choice thoughts on the Gore-ster, "I would like to know, would garlic help get rid of this buffoon?"

To Steven I say, your lack of success with women and dwindling friend base might be attributed to something other than said spice which you reference.

Ok, enough picking on angry little Stevie.

As usual, this is all about money --and reasonably so. "Scrubbing" and "sequestration" methods, which take the fumes from coal processing and inject them back into the earth, will bring about higher prices. A study by the International Energy Agency estimated the current cost of processing runs at about $1,371 per kilo-Wat and a comparable system that captures carbon could cost $1,860 per kilo-wat.

As with most new technology, the costs will gradually decrease over time, but if we don't take measures to clean the air, over time we will gradually decrease.

Is it such a difficult choice?

The pro-coal, anti-brain cell group can issue all the clever repartee they like (much like myself), but at some point we should stop listening to lobbyist and blowhards and start listening to the vast majority of scientists who say that while there is some truth to global warming being a natural phenomena, the bulk of the responsibility falls squarely on us.

Is it so big a problem that we can't do something? I mean, geez, we sent a man to the moon 40 years ago. And Big Al invented the Internet! You'd think being the smart monkeys that we are, that we could figure this thing out.

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Seoul leaves the cars at home

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I was reading the Korean newspaper today and came across a story about Korea's "car-free day." There was president, Lee Myung-bak, suit and all, perched upon a mountain bike making his way to work and then on to meetings.

I got to thinking if America's oil-beholden president George W. had ever taken such step into the realm of noblesse oblige. The answer is, of course, "no." In the age of image politics, I little doubt that we will see such a presidential gesture take place in a country so sensitive about the most minuscule insult --even a slight to the petrol profit kings. Regardless of who the president is.

Americans really are too sensitive. Some of you may remember when President George the father said he didn't like broccoli and the next day, offended broccoli farmers dumped huge piles of their crop in front of the White House.

As to oil conservation, I did come across this picture of Georgy-boy with his mountain bike. The caption read, "US President George Bush lifts his bicycle before taking a mountain bike ride in Beltsville, Md. Before his morning ride Bush encouraged all Americans to take time out of their schedule for exercise."

Nothing about saving fuel or considering alternative methods. And Georgy-boy looks more like he is ready to toss the bike in the dumpster than actually ride it.

How many of you out there have said at some point, "If I was president I would get on TV and rally the country!" or something similar? So, why can't the American president, consumer of 25% of the worlds natural resources make such an effort?

I would like to see the next president ride a bike to work every now and then. That would of course require that Barack Obama be the next guy in the White House.
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The Week We View

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-Sunday will be the last game at Yankee Stadium, the most heralded venue in the history of sports. Unfortunately, the Yankees themselves will be back again next year.

-In other baseball news, the Tampa Bay Rays clinched their first playoff berth in franchise history. Several Christian groups are attributing the team's success to the fact that this year they changed their name from "Devil Rays" to simply "Rays." When asked why they don't hold the same esteem for the Los Angeles Angels –the team with the most wins this year-- a spokesman for the Christian Coalition told reporters, "Well obviously, the devil lives in Los Angeles."

-The U.S. Government finally stepped in to shore up the country's failing financial industry this week. When asked why they waited so long to act a top official said, "Unlike most of the failing banks, we were reluctant to give money to just anybody."

-Federal transportation authorities say the engineer of a Southern California commuter train who is faulted for the deadly train wreck that killed 25 people and injured more than 130 others, was text messaging on his cell phone. Unreliable sources say that the actual text-message was to a friend saying, "Can I crash at your place tonight?"

-A federal judge ruled Friday that a former Army commander who underwent a sex change operation was discriminated against by the Library of Congress when they withdrew a job offer after learning "she" was at one time a "he." One anonymous official was quoted as saying, "This ruling is in no means fair, and sets a dangerous precedent. Other federal employees have the right to know the true gender of the person they are sexually harassing."

-It was announced this week that a majority of Arab-Americans support Barack Obama over John McCain for president. The poll conducted by Zogby International revealed that 20 percent of Arab-Americans now consider themselves Republican and 46 percent Democrat. The margin has widened since the 2000 presidential race when 36 percent said they were Republican and 38 percent Democrat. The rapid loss of Arab-American voters prompted the Republicans to launch a new ad campaign with the slogan, "Go to hell."

-Inspectors conducting the ongoing investigation into contaminated Chinese baby formula, which has killed four infants and sickened more than 6,200, disclosed that twenty-two Chinese dairy companies produced batches of formula tainted with melamine, an industrial additive used to make fertilizers and plastics. The Chinese government when asked for comment responded, "How about those Olympics?"

-The Boston Celtics presented George W. Bush with an autographed jersey at a ceremony honoring their victory in the NBA finals. During the ten-minute ceremony Bush told the team, "You guys really had some great hitters this year."

-Sarah Palin's yahoo email account was invaded by an unknown hacker this past week with several of her emails posted on the internet. The emails revealed nothing controversial in regards to her tenure as governor of Alaska, but her subscription to guyswithbigguns.com created a stir with some supporters.

-In the "You must be bleeping kidding me" category, Time magazine wrote that "one-third of white Democrats harbor negative views toward blacks --many calling them "lazy," "violent" or responsible for their own troubles." The article went on to suggest that such perceptions could cost Obama the election. My only response to those people who supposedly consider themselves liberal: Go to hell.

-Speaking of hell, North Korea said Friday it was preparing to restart its nuclear reactor, after accusing the United States of failing to fulfill its obligations for sending financial aid to the impoverished country. Correct me if I am wrong, but, couldn't the North Korean government have fed their people with the billions of dollars they spent on nuclear weapon development? No comment yet from the U.S. government regarding my idea to send a Chinese milk to North Korean leaders.

That's it for this week. Don't forget to watch the first presidential debate this coming Friday. I predict that Obama will use the word "change" at least 64 times during the debate and mean it 43 times.

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This Heineken's for you

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Several top Hollywood stars make big money doing ads in other countries that they otherwise wouldn't do at home --remember Bill Murray's character in "Lost in translation?"

This is one of the better spots, courtesy of Esquire Magazine's Blog of Lists, Jennifer Aniston getting dissed in a German commercial for Heineken. Though it was a tough choice for me, I put Snoop Dogg singing in German after popping out of the fridge in a pompadour at a close second.

Even the Flintstones made a cigarette commercial way back in the day. I thought at first it wasn't legit, but have a look for yourself. Real deal.



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Politics explained by your worth in cows

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This has been circulating around the Internet for awhile. During this election season, I thought it time for a little brushing up on our political IQ.

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

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Dear Barack and Dear John, please don't die

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Presidential candidates select their running mates for various reasons, usually hoping they will bring depth to the ticket, win electoral votes in the VP's home state or address voter perception of a candidate's shortcomings. In this race it has been for the latter.

Obama chose Joseph Biden to make him appear more worldly and McCain chose Sarah Palin to make him look more Heavenly. And at first both enjoyed a bump in the polls at what seemed good choices.

Yet, now that we've had a few weeks to get to know the VP pair, conventional wisdom has been turned on its head. Both Biden and Palin have fumbled and bumbled (and several ethical questions mumbled) that it now makes the two guys at the top of the ticket look stellar in comparison.

So much so that I am starting to wonder if that was the candidate's original intention.

Just as George the 1st chose Dan Quayle so he wouldn't be upstaged, it is entirely possible that our two current presidential aspirants might have done the same. If not, at least it is fun to consider.

McCain/Palin

McCain has hammered the experience issue to such nauseating extremes that I am waiting for a TV ad with him sitting cross-legged guru style on the mountain-top as god almighty himself comes groveling for the Senator's wisdom.

But voter perception is that Obama is far more intellectual.

So, McCain picks Palin --an ANWR-deer in the headlights, who dispenses a brand of folksy wisdom and "hockey mom" tough talk that plays well in speeches when no one is responding, but comes off as (and is) aloof when in the spotlight of a nationally televised interview.

It was painful to watch her get skewered by Charles Gibson. She emboldened "dumb" chick stereotypes to the point that I think some of those cracks Hillary put in the glass ceiling may have been resealed. Even top McCain adviser and former HP CEO Carla Fiorina told reporters that Palin wasn't competent enough to run a company. She later retracted, but the damage was done. Palin was being painted as a simpleton.

I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, so quickly thrust on the national stage, perhaps she simply had the jitters. But when Palin equated the war in the Middle East with god, I had to ask myself: Is god that feckless or is Sarah Palin? Take your pick.

Since she bombed with Charlie Gibson, McCain has put her under wraps. Public appearances are now few, interviews with the news media even fewer, and unscripted moments nonexistent.

When asked about her refusal to turn over e-mails to an Alaskan state investigator concerning the fired trooper scandal, she simply smiled and got into her limo. To her credit, that was quite presidential.

Yet, get her in front of crowd of supporters and she is all sound bite and hyperbole --going so far as to call the Obama team, "far-East Coast politicians." While I get the anti-Semitic gist of her statement (though I doubt she her self realized it) the last time I looked at a map, Chicago was in the Mid-West and Obama was of African descent.

I was surprised she could mix-up the geography aspect , after she was so kind to remind us in her interview with Gibson that Russia is next to Alaska.

But, in my mythical-maybe world of political machinations, this works to McCain's advantage. Now he looks like a Rhodes Scholar in comparison. This tact could possibly backfire, since high academic achievement is generally a disadvantage for Republican candidates.

Obama/Biden

The Democrats --Obama included-- love to tell us how they are the "party for the people," that they care about the little guy and that the loving warmth that flows from their infinitely charitable hearts stands in stark contrast to those greedy Republicans and their hard-handed policies.

Well, have you seen Joe Biden's tax returns?

Despite an income ranging from $210,432 - $321,379 over a ten-year period, the Bidens have given between --wait for it-- 0.06% - 0.31% of their income to charity. Yes, the decimals and the zeros are correctly placed.

How does this make Obama look more upstanding? Look at his tax returns. He and Michelle have ponied up a mere 6% of their elevated income to charity. (McCain gives around 28% per year). While Obama might do a photo-op at a soup kitchen, he doesn't seem willing to actually pay for the soup.

Yet, as McCain can now point to Palin and say "I am not that naive," Obama can likewise point to Biden and say, "I am not that greedy."

Another advantage in picking Biden is his past ethical digressions. Biden became a household name back in 1988 when he plagiarized a speech from a British politician while on the campaign trail --forcing him to ignominiously drop out of the presidential race.

Obama, being from the historically corrupt Chicago political machine, looks saintly in comparison --should ethical questions start to hinder his run to the White House.

And while no connection has been made directly to Biden, both his son and his brother have been accused in two lawsuits for defrauding a former business partner and an investor out of millions of dollars in a hedge fund deal.

When standing next to Biden the Republicans "messianic" line about Obama makes a lot more sense.

Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating all of this, but a larger question now lingers: No matter who wins, if they should meet an untimely fate, are either Sarah Palin or Joe Biden the people who we want to run the country?

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The Week We View

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- Hollywood singer-actress Lindsay Lohan looks set to marry her DJ girlfriend Samantha Ronson and has been spotted around town sporting a huge heart-shaped engagement ring. If you are considering a wedding gift the couple is said to be registered at “Boys R Us.”

-Republicans were “infuriated” this week when Barack Obama quipped, “You can put lipstick on a pig, and it's still a pig." McCain and his supporters claimed it was an attack on Sarah Palin and within hours ran a TV ad with the Obama quote preceded by a frame reading, "Barack Obama on Sarah Palin." I suppose Obama should now run a spot railing against insinuations of infidelity--since the McCain ad claims that Obama was “on” Sarah Palin.

-Nine women and three men, none of them African American, were selected as jurors in OJ Simpson's kidnapping and armed robbery trial Thursday. This prompted the defense to complain of racial bias. The defense released a statement saying, “How can a guy that only killed white people get a fair trial from white people?”

-I was going to write something about the new Bill Gates-Jerry Seinfeld TV commercials, but the intention of this column is to be funny. Unlike the ads, which are not.

- The FBI announced this week that it will broaden the means with which it can monitor Americans for possible terrorist links. Civil liberties groups claim that the FBI would have too much latitude to collect information on U.S. residents and would be allowed to track people based on their race or ethnicity. Worry not fellow Americans. Look at how well the FBI has done with gathering information on Osama bin Laden --seven years, five days and absolutely nothing.

-Alaska Airlines announced it will lay off 1000 employees this year. VP nominee and Alaska Governor Sarah Palin called it a “bad move,” since that amounts to nearly half the population of her home state.

-The Food and Drug Administration warned consumers shopping in Chinese markets in America to be on the lookout for baby formula contaminated with the industrial chemical melamine. The Chinese government is calling it their new, “no child policy.” This is not to be confused with their “yes child policy” for Olympic gymnasts.

-President Bush said Saturday that federal and state officials will ensure that consumers don't get gouged by gas price increases in the wake of Hurricane Ike. I was running through a couple of punch lines for this and here is what I came up with. Take your pick:

1. Bush went on to say, “This storm won’t be known as ‘Hurricane Hike.’”
2. The president promised normal levels of gouging would continue.
3. Mr. Bush quipped, “Ike’s passing wind will not necessarily cause gas prices to stink”

-Democratic big wig turned CNN commentator, Paul Begala, had a great quote about the Charles Gibson interview with Sarah Palin. “I thought one person on my television screen looked ready to assume the presidency. It wasn’t Governor Palin.”

-A mobile phone industry trade association said that Americans are sending an average of 2.5 billion text messages per month. This despite a 100% increases in prices over the past few years that has seen the cost rise to 20 cents per message. When asked to comment representatives from Verizon released a statement saying. “We r 4 low $, but there isn’t n e thing we can do 4 u.”


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Sex, Drugs and Oil?

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Let me think: I have heard of sex with baby oil, mineral oil, and a host of other fragrant oils. Even petroleum jelly. But the word out now is that the Interior Department –the agency charged with managing federal land for such things as energy exploration—is mixing sex and crude oil .

Sadly, I am way behind the curve on this. Does it involve plastic sheeting or is that optional?

The “drilling” so to speak, has been taking place in the Denver division of the agency. A report by the department’s inspector general found that some agency employees working for the "Royalty In Kind" program that assures energy companies are paying taxpayers their fair share for land use have been, well, a little too kind.

According to the inspector general's findings, employess “frequently consumed alcohol at industry functions, had used cocaine and marijuana, and had sexual relations with oil and gas company representatives.”

Really gives new meaning to the now ubiquitous bumper sticker, “Drill here! Drill now!” doesn’t it?

The report alleges that between Jan. 1, 2002, and July 2006, about one-third of the Denver staff--19 employees--inappropriately socialized with and received "a wide array" of gifts from companies with which the department did official business.

The report also said the gifts and gratuities were not large but they were frequent, with two agency officials receiving at least 135 gifts from four oil and gas companies.

The report was accompanied by a letter from the inspector general saying, the investigation "revealed a relatively small group of individuals wholly lacking in acceptance of or adherence to government ethical standards; management that through passive neglect, at best, or purposeful ignorance, at worst, was blind to easily discernible misconduct,"

Of course the Democrats who are against domestic oil drilling are jumping all over the news.

"The activities at the RIK office are so outlandish that this whole IG report reads like a script from a television miniseries -- and one that cannot air during family viewing time," House Natural Resources committee chairman Nick J. Rahall, D-W.V., said in a statement that accompanied the report.

"This is unheard-of conduct, it is beyond any ethical lapse of memory or conduct," Rahall told ABC News. "We always suspected a cozy relationship between RIK employees and the oil industry."

The department promised to take action to ensure nothing of this sort happens again and insists there is no evidence taxpayers lost any oil and gas revenue as a result of the alleged wrongdoing.

So the next time you are at the gas station pumpling that nozzle, rembember... well, never mind.


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Voter naivety

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A Washington Post-ABC News poll taken Sept. 5 to Sept. 7 reports that 51 percent of voters think Obama will raise their taxes.

This belief is held regardless of the fact that Obama's proposed plan would actually cut taxes for an overwhelming majority of Americans.

Obama has also proposed eliminating income taxes on seniors making less than $50,000 a year, yet 41 percent of those seniors say their income taxes would go up in an Obama administration.

I haven't decided who I will vote for yet, but let's enact a moron tax and make a fortune.
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Troop reduction: Who benefits most? McCain or Obama?

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President George W. Bush is expected to announce a gradual redeployment of U.S. military forces from Iraq to an increasingly violent Afghanistan with 4,500 troops slated to transfer by January. The president will also announce that as many as 8,000 troops will be returning home without replacement.

From the standpoint of the voters, which of the two candidates in presidential race is most likely to benefit from the new policy?

Barack Obama supporters have been quick to claim that Bush is co-opting Obama’s call earlier this year for troop redeployed from Iraq to Afghanistan, where American soldiers are suffering more daily casualties than in Iraq. In reality --much like Al Gore claiming credit for the Internet-- the Obama team certainly wasn't hitting on anything new --this policy initiative originated from the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Yet, in the arena of public perception the move by Bush could likely play well for Obama who, of the two candidates, has been most vocal about redeployment and withdrawal.

The White House, perhaps playing politics in the heat of an election battle, might have anticipated this when deciding to announce plans to bring 8,000 troops back home –a reduction which amounts to a mere 5% of the current troop level of 146,000.

This could be a play against Obama. The recent success in Iraq --of which even Obama himself has acknowledged-- removes a primary talking point in his drive to the presidency --a gradual withdrawal of forces from Iraq.

John McCain, a strong supporter of the Iraq “surge” which added 30,000 troops to the Iraq conflict last year and is credited with the reduction in American and civilian causalities, would do well to highlight the fact that Obama opposed the surge, thus further calling into question Obama’s strengths in major foreign policy decisions –an issue he sought to rectify with the choice of Joe Biden for his VP.

While there is no question that both candidates will attempt to spin this in their favor, the question remains: who will benefit most in the eyes of the American public?
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The BBC Box

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Leave it to the Brits to come up with an interesting way to cover globalization. Over the course of the next year BBC News will track the journey of a shipping container box as it makes its way across the globe from its starting point in Southampton, England. Fitted with a GPS device and a year-long power supply, people will be able to monitor the progress of the box on an interactive map on the BBC website .

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The Week We View

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-According to the latest gub’ment statistics, America’s jobless rate climbed to 6.1%, reaching its highest point in five years. Fortunately, come January, the unemployment rate for the job of “Republican president from Texas” will be at its highest point in eight years.

- Barack Obama promised the elderly in a speech this week that he would “protect their retirement.” A press release later said that the Democrats would increase taxes to fund this promise as well as raise the retirement age to 86.

-The humanitarian group World Vision reported that the number of girls in poor countries who marry before the age of 18 will double to 100 million in the next decade. The survey estimated that 3,500 girls worldwide marry before the age of 15. Bangladesh topped the list with 53% of new brides getting married before they can drive. The report went on to offer sage advice to girls who marry too young saying, “Move to America, you never know, your mother might be nominated to the Republican presidential ticket.”

-Hillary Clinton has taken to the trail for Barack Obama and is coming out fighting. Dems look for her to be a counter strike against Sarah Palin. Revising her former quote, “I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas,” Hillary has reframed it as, "I suppose I could have stayed home and shot my gun and eaten endangered species." Republicans are rightly calling for drug tests.

-The Quixotic Quote of the Week comes from Vice President Dick Cheney. Speaking on recent Russian aggression in Georgia he said, it is a “discredited notion that any country can claim an exclusive zone of authority, to be held together by muscle and threats. That is the old thinking, which created artificial divisions, militarized borders, the domination of client states, and a half-century division.” Uhmmm, did anyone mention to Dicky that he was quoting word for word American foreign policy for the past 63 years?

-Second runner-up quote of the week was also tendered by Cheney: "Russia has sold advanced weapons to the regimes in Syria and Iran. [And] some of the Russian weapons sold to Damascus have been channeled to terrorist fighters in Lebanon and Iraq.” While America’s top Dick was correct, he failed to note that the Russian weapons system are merely an upgrade from the weapon’s systems America themselves sold Iran (both legally and illegally) throughout the 1980’s when they were…wait for it --a U.S. client state.

-There was quite a stir this past week when the media reported that Lynne Spears –sister of Brittney—sent a baby gift to VP nominee Sarah Palin’s pregnant 17-year-old daughter, Bristol. Fellow teen mother Spears eventually denied the gift giving. The two will hold a joint press conference next week that will feature a lecture on the Republican “abstinence only” platform.

-Word out of Orissa, India, where Christians have come under heavy persecution, says that Hindus have been sheltering Christians to protect them from the extremists. Afterward the Christians thanked their Hindu hosts and said, “Sorry, but you are still going to hell anyway.”

-Columbia Pictures announced this week that they will start production on “Ghostbusters III.” The action-comedy is set to feature most of the original cast, thus making it the first film about the dead fighting the undead.

-Columbia Pictures also announced it will make two more Spider Man movies. It was reported that Google will seek to co-produce the new films since they need Spider Man to instead shoot “world wide” web and kill several bugs in their newly released “Chrome” browser.

-And finally, at the opening of the Special Olympics in China, the Chinese government pledged to increase assistance to its own disabled citizens. The Chinese ministry released a statement saying. “It is the least we can do for former political dissidents we tortured and brainwashed into submission.”

See you next week.
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Korean group sues over Mad Cow claims

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BUSAN, Korea --Every dog has his day, so I suppose cows are at some point offered their due.

In Korea, American cows were until recently the target of massive--and at times violent-- protests sparked by specious media claims that Koreans were at risk of contracting Mad Cow disease from U.S. beef. This of course ignoring the fact that in the U.S. and the 96 countries it exports beef to, not a single person ever contracted the disease from a cow of American origin.

But, it looks like the American cow will finally get its day in court. According to the Korea Times, a group of 2,469 Korean citizens has launched a class action law suit against TV “news magazine”, PD Notebook, seeking $2.4 million in damages.

The Mad Cow episode, which aired in April, featured the now infamous report that American cows posed an imminent threat to Koreans. The show went so far as to alter translations of interviews with Americans as well as quoting spurious scientific research that Koreans have a genetic disposition to contracting Mad Cow.

As talk of American imposed genocide swept the blogosphere and protests grew to the tens of thousands, PD Notebook was unrepentant --even after an associate producer from the show admitted that his superiors intentionally altered facts.

One is left to wonder if this shows the power of the press or how pitiable people are. Sure PD Notebook ignited the movement, but the people kept it going long after the errant claims were exposed.

The Korean plaintiffs in the suit against the show, claim that what transpired goes beyond physical damage or the loss of business in protest areas. Many believe that PD Notebook should also be held accountable for the damaging perceptions of Koreans abroad --as a baffled world looked on in disbelief that Koreans could be so fanatic over a non-existent threat.

The suit by native Koreans comes on the hooves of a $10 million lawsuit launched against PD Notebook by a Korean-American group last month.

Idle Wordship interviews American cow

In an exclusive interview with Idle Wordship, Daisy, an American cow from Oklahoma, consented to speak on the issue. Here is a partial transcript of our conversation:

IW: How has the American cow community reacted to the fact that PD Notebook slandered the good name of American cows?

Daisy: Oh, many cows were very offended. I have ancestors from England who were under a lot of stress when they had their Mad Cow outbreak there, but to be accused of having the disease here in America, you know, where no people have ever been killed, well, I myself had a little trouble stomaching that --and I have four stomachs.

IW: Oh? Your ancestors are from England?

Daisy: Well, yes. My great grandfather was inseminated in 1998 from sperm imported from the UK. Now of course the U.S. bans such imports.

IW: Well, that is interesting, but getting back to the lawsuit. Do you feel it is specifically an Anti-American protest?

Daisy: Well, I don’t really follow politics that much. I am only 32 months old, so I don’t feel I can answer that with any authority.

IW: Any other thoughts you would like to share?

Daisy: Well, I was really looking forward to going to Korea. I understand that the majority of them are Buddhist, so I figured my chances of living a long life are better there.

Obviously, Daisy is a bit aloof as to what her future holds, be it a seat at the table or on the table.

American farmers purposely censor the cow media, and curtail Internet access, so outside of a few revolutionaries such as Cow Zedong or Fidel Cowstro, few bovines know what awaits them at the end of their 3-4 year life, much less do something to lend it a bit of dignity.

Considering this, one must the group of Koreans who are standing up for the slandered (and soon to be slaughtered) American cow.

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McCain's wondering eyes?

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In McCain's defense he was actually looking at her speech on the podium, but it is a nice little piece of editing work. And watch the way he twists at his wedding ring as if feeling regret for marrying his mega-rich wife Cindy.
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Our sympathy to natural disaster victims, but...

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Hurricane Gustav has been downgraded and is looking to spare the more densely populated areas along the Gulf Coast. How joyous it is that they will experience nothing on the scale of Katrina.

And how joyous it is that we won’t have to pay for it.

Since we dodged a bullet this time, what’s say we use the time before the next inevitable disaster to scrap a system where taxpayers shell out billions of dollars to people who build homes in high risk areas?

It's time they buckled down and got their own insurance..

Be it water, wind, tremors or fire, if people decide to live on a flood plain, a forest, a fault line or “Tornado Alley,” they should accept the risks and shoulder the cost. The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), which oversees assistance and cash disbursement, has been subsidizing these folks for too long.

As the Cato Institute said in its report on FEMA:

“By using taxpayer dollars to provide disaster relief and subsidized insurance, FEMA itself encourages Americans to build in disaster-prone areas and makes the rest of us pick up the tab for those risk decisions. In a well-functioning private marketplace, individuals who chose to build houses in flood plains or hurricane zones would bear the cost of the increased risk through higher insurance premiums. FEMA's activities undermine that process...This $4 billion-a-year agency should be abolished.”

That report was from several years back. Since then the budget has ballooned to $8 billion-a-year. More money, same problem.

Another byproduct of having a federal safety net is that local governments, knowing that FEMA will come in and bail them out, spend less money shoring up potentially dangerous areas.

And FEMA is riddled with an incompetent and at times deceitful group of people.

During the 2007 California fires, FEMA actually staged its own press conference to avoid looking bad in the media. As hard as it is to fathom, Deputy Administrator Harvey E. Johnson stood at a podium taking questions from FEMA employees posing as reporters.

Real reporters were given only 15 minutes notice of the press conference --thus left with no choice but to phone in to a conference call which was set up in “listen only" mode. Fox and CNN ran a live feed as the faux-reporters tossed Johnson softballs like, “Are you happy with FEMA’s response so far?”, along with other questions that were framed in a way to evoke positive responses.

It's not that FEMA is completely useless. There should be some kind of disaster relief fund that would feed and temporarily shelter people, but helping them rebuild their homes in the same location is Einstein's definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

With more people paying into private insurance, the price will naturally come down as the higher cash reserves allow companies to lower the rates.

And with all the money being squandered by a poorly mismanaged agency, it is time to give something else a try. There is no reason why taxpayers should chip in on rebuilding someone's summer beach house.
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